The old has gone and the new has come! There's no many many things that I want to do this new year. Never mind the financial constraints because I know that my God will provide. I will never look back at my life ever again. Let the past belong to the past and the future belongs to those who are willing to do something about it. 1 year, 1 dream, 1 destiny. Here I come Lord.

An excerpt from the Harvest Times which I find it beneficial to share:

Going beyond the past hurt

When you think about a past, painful event today, how do you feel? Are there unresolved feelings of bitterness and resentment? You know you have "forgotten" when you can think about that pianful situation today and not feel or controlled by negative emotions such as anger and resentment. Yes, there may always be a trace of unsease and doubt when we remember those times, but if we walk with Jesus, He will heal our hearts over time and empower us to look at the person who has wronged us through His eyes of love and mercy.

In a few days, we will usher in a new year that will bring with it new meanings and new beginnings. But possibly one of the best things we can do for ourselves is to learn to leave behind the experiences of our past and move ahead with confidence in God, knowing that He is always in control of our lives.

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" Think of how many people you can influence each day at work and in the home, community and church. Each of us has the opportunity to influence what people believ, and the potential to make a real difference in people's lives...and to contribute to the growth of the Kingdom of heave." Luke 1:37 it says, "With God, nothing is impossible."

Thank you God for bringing me through year 2009. Although it wasn't very smooth-sailing, the thought of knowing that you are always by my side gives me the confidence to tackle life's challenges everyday. In a few moments time, year 2009 will come to an end. And I want to enter Year 2010 with a fresh new dose of faith, because I know that it is very easy to slip back into running my life on feelings and sight rather than faith and the Word of God. Faith comes from only one source and it is the Word of God. I want to lead a life of confidence that is faith-filled because I know that leading a life of confidence stems from knowing that I have the victory in my Lord Jesus Christ, and that I can look forward with the hope that you have given to me.

The end of a year sparks the beginning of a new one. I pray that if my resolutions are in line with your Word, let it be done. Because I know that a good dream is good, but a God dream is even much better.Year 2010 will be a year where I start drawing closer and closer to you, because when I do so, I know you wil l definitely reciprocate in a greater manner. Amen.

I did not believe it initally when the movie critics gave 5 stars for Avatar. However, after watching it, I could not agree lesser that it is a 5 star movie, probably even surpassing that benchmark. A very touching story that offer movie-goers an extreme form of escapism from the harsh reality that they are living in. It even brings awareness to the extent of degradation humankind is creating on the environment. It all boils down to the greed of humankind. We are never contented with what we have and always wanting moreeven if the means to getting what we want brings harm to other species/humans.

On a brighter note, this movie displays the nobility of love. How true love can compel one to do accomplish things that are beyond their wildest imagination. Even if it means forsaking your own race in the name of justice. As much as I wish i could be situated in such a utopian world, the reality seems to pull me back to earth. Watching this movie was definitely worth the 2hr 41mins and the skipping of my night classes. At least I have learnt from this movie that the magnitude of mylove for people pales in comparison to the love displayed by the main lead. After all, we are all living for the audience of one.

Today's service message was one of the best that I have encountered so far. I feel empowered to do even more things for God. People often remarked that Science and Religion disproves one another. But testimonies have shown otherwise. God promised us in the bible that Christians will always be the head and not the tail. Biblical evidence has reflected that more than half of the scientists that have changed the face of the world completely are Christians. Names like Galileo, Issac Newton, Michael Faraday, Blaise Pascal probably ring a bell. They are famous scientists and are also Christians who believed in the Lord Almighty. God is not only the author of all faith but He is also an author of all knowledge. In the book of Proverbs, It is said that Only a fool say in their heart that there is no God. It is so so true.

The reason why we are able to stand strongly to testify for God is because Jesus bore all our infirmities and carried all our diseases on the cross. Even the Devil cannot go beyond the cross because he is afraid of the power in the blood of Christ. When we surrender our lives totally to Christ, a series of miracles will definitely happen. If someone is knocked down by a truck, He will definitely be injured severely. What's more the power of the Almighty God, if he enters your life, and being infinitely more powerful than anything, how can we say that our life will be the same? Satan has come to steal, kill and destroy. He will put you down, discourage you and pull your dreams further away from you. But Jesus came so that we can have life, and have it to the full!

Therefore, we must set big dreams for God because our God is a Big God. We do not need multiple Gods just like our religions do becos our God is able to do everything that is beyond our wildest imagination. If we try to grasp his ways through our human logic, we would not be able to fathom it no matter how high our IQ is. It is because of the fact that our God is unlimited, that is why He gives us dreams that seem impossible to human.

Year 2009 may be a stormy year for me. But i managed to brave the storm and overcome it. However year 2010 will be a completely different year for me. Armed with new resolutions and the Word of God, I'm going to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world. He who is in me is greater than he who is in the world.

This Christmas was pretty well spent. Chilling out in the House of God and attending 2 services with 2 different great messages. Getting to know my cell people more too. Went for countlesss trips of shopping, but in the end didn't buy anything for myself except more food and more more food. Watched countless of movies, both online and in the theatre. Had minimal amount of sleep as well. Went for Bball practise and ended up with a swollen finger. But it was all worth it. I really wish this Christmas will last forever. But life has to move on, Year 2010 will be an even exciting year for me. With the upcoming tests and projects due on january and feb, hopefully I still can make time for some form of entertainment in life. Christmas party was awesome ( including the food). Although the place was small yet I felt at home. The next party will be even greater!

Time really flies. It's Christmas's Eve again! On the very same day last year, I was on my comfortable small bed nursing my chicken pox. The feeling of staying at home while every single friends of yours are happily enjoying the festive season outside ain't really marvellous. This year it will be a entirely different feeling. I'll be spending New Year with a different group of friends doing different kind of things, visiting different places. Probably next year it will be another whole new bunch of people again with a whole new different experience altogether. Till then.


Don't walk in front of me, I may not follow ; Don't walk behind me, I may not lead; Walk beside me and just be my friend.
Albert Camus

Being an entrepreneur means going through a path where no one else went through before. To prove to the rest that the ominous untrodden path can lead you to the fulfilment of your dreams. Taking this path is not easy because you will face many rejections, many discouragements even the loss of your loved ones. The people who are unable to grapple with the idea of you succeeding is not worthy to be called your friend. Yet there is one who never fails to believe in your potential to succeed, to pick you up when you land hard on the ground, to carry you when all the mockery and insults hurled unto you saps the strength out of you. As you try to run away from the malicious crowd, he tells you with the still small voice, "Be Strong, for I am with you. Put on your armour and carry your sword for I will give you victory." His name Is Jesus Christ.

Having a candlelight service is a rather novel idea to me. But well, it shows how a single flame can illuminate the whole place. Although a man's abilities are limited, Jesus has displayed how a single mortal through the strength of God is able to be the light of the world. People tend to have a misconception about Christmas, that it is a festival that is associated with feasting, santa claus, gift exchange etc. However, what is the significance of Christmas if people do not personally know Christ. This Christmas means alot to me because it celebrates the birth of our Saviour Christ giving rise to new hopes, dreams, resolutions. This Christmas I want to see the salvation of my family and friends this Christmas. For through Him I found a purpose in life.

Chingay leader's orientation went pretty well despite the heavy rain. Got to know a new bunch of enthusiastic people about serving the community. The organization, Heartware, coincidentally has the type of vision in which I was searching for high and low. It is time for me to step out of my comfort zone and lead a similarly enthusiastic bunch of volunteers to believe in their potential and in the midst of it acquire communication skills and explanding their social network. One thing that pricked my heart was the fact that when Singaporeans walk pass a bunch of foreign workers, e.g bangla workers, we would stigmatize them and cast them a demeaning glance. But have anyone of you thought of stopping by, asking how is their day and offering them a chilled bottle of drink? These little actions may seem insignificant to us, but it may mean the world to them. As the future leaders of the nation, the onus falls on us to integrate these workers into our society. Ultimately most if not all of our skyscrapers and even the place we live in would not be around if they do not play a part in constructing it. Let us try to live cohesively in this increasingly cosmopolitan world.
Anyway, I went for shopping in town for clothes today and the whole street was packed with locals and tourists alike. Spotted some shirts from Zara that were pretty decent. The price made it rather discouraging to purchase it but I'll be waiting for some year end sale before laying my hands on it. Watched a ballet performance by some street performers dressed up as raindeers. The way they gracefully danced was rather captivating and at some period of time humourous. Today is a rather good start to a long 2 weeks holidays, a break from the stressful workload piled on my desk. With exams and projects looming around the corner, I would have to sacrifice precious time outside to trade for those indoors. Gotta catch 2 more movies next week before i lock myself at home to study, Avatar and Sherlock Holmes here I come!

Do you believe that Jesus is the Son Of God and that He has come to save the world? If we do, why are we so caught up about what happens to our earthly body in this mortal world?

Love is tough but not impossible.

Today's one of my most stressful day of my life. I almost buckled under the pressure. But hey God, I know you are still there for me. Because today I survived because you gave me that promise that I will be an overcomer.

I feel so detached from this Christian community. Where I'm suppose to find love and feel loved, I do not get it. I know that I'm being tested constantly in this area of my life, where the devil is using loneliness to get me back into the world.I'm facing dreams that seem so far away, discouragements that seem to disagree with every single action that I take, temptations that made me so caught up with the trends of the world, the things that non-christians seem to delight themselves in. Life all a sudden seem meaningless to me, is there all to life then just eating merrily, amassing accolades and achievements, becoming filthily rich and wait for your own deathbed. Yet one thing I know is that no matter what circumstance I'm going through right now, all the trials and temptations and loneliness, God you are always there with me. When I couldn't overcome it anymore because my legs are tied down with shackles, you carried me through. Because of that, I know that no matter how rich or poor I am, how strong or weak I am, how smart or stupid I am, it really doesn't matter. All I need to know is that I have a God who can do more than what we can imagine. That he will empower me to rise up above the occasion. I thank you for placing all these tough times in my life because when I am weak, you will be strong. When I am lesser in life, you will be more in my life. When you have tested me in this furnace, I shall shine forth as gold.

Today is the day that I waited so long for. The standard chartered marathon 42.195km. The atmosphere was great and it's so crowded that I have to squeezed through people every now and then. Anyway, I witnessed how fast the africans are. When I was at my 12km mark, they were running back from east coast at around the 29 km mark alr. Mad generation of people. The first half of the marathon was pretty smooth. Ran at a comfortable timing of 1hr 30mins for 21km. However, I experienced minor cramps at the 25km mark and started to hobble a little. At the 32 km, the muscle cramps were so bad that I almost cried while limping. The pain was as though some flesh eating bacteria is consuming bits and bits of my flesh every seconds. Running a marathon is really about persevering because it is an emtional battle. Although I hobbled the last 10km of my race, I didn't give up because I know that God has never forsaken me. I ran this race 1 hr shy of my expected target but I'm still proud of myself for completing this race despite suffering excruciating pain. Once bitten twice shy, I've learnt from my lessons from this marathon. Although it may seem just like a run to many, I have learnt much more things that were unknown to me previously. Wait and see, sundown I'm coming.

Today's been a relatively busy day. Rushed up and down to settle admin procedures for my boss. Had a relatively long chat with my boss too. Sometimes thinking about it, NS ain't exactly something bad. Especially when I'm working under such a knowledgeable boss who offers me advices because he knows that someday I will be sitting on an executive chair and giving the very same piece of advice to my subordinates. Ate plentiful of food, gymed twice today, ran 7km for everyday of this week. A pretty good headstart for marathon preparation.

Anyway NMS will never be the same again with all the old birds leaving and new pple coming in. Sometimes I think that signing on isn't such a bad idea after all. The flipside which kept me hesistant is probably the significant fact that the pay is way below my expected pay. However, it is quite an iron rice bowl. Days where I can gym everyday, run during free time, sleep when I'm tired and chill out when I'm stressed out will soon be gone. (1 more year..haha) Thanks for making my 2009 life in Navy quite a memorable one, including those who gave me trouble in the course of my work. It is quite true that during hardship can one forge true friendship and at the same time moulding your own character. Hardship reveals our true character, be it good or bad, weak or strong.

Year 2009 seems like a rather tumultuous year, I have grown alot in maturity in this seemingly short phase. I was once the menace who like to give pple trouble, who gave no regards for money, who studied without priorities and did not cherish the pple ard me. Although it is blatant of me to say that I have changed for the better, but I can declare it conscious-free-ly that I feel more like an adult after NS year 1. Working in the real world isn't exactly a bed of roses because you will face many oppositions as everyone has differing thoughts. But to blame others or grumble about your circumstance ain't gonna change anything. Everything changes when you know the purpose of why you are doing what you are doing now. When we actually place ourselves into other pple's shoes, we are in fact a step closer to loving our neighbours as ourselves as written in the bible.

Anyway I will brace myself for another exciting year ahead. Year 2010 will be a period where I look forward to growing even more. Not just older but becoming more matured. December 14th 2010 will be the day of liberation as well as the deadline for accomplishing feats that I once thought was impossible for a nondescript like myself. Anyway happy ORD for those who are leaving NMS. I hope the post-NS phase will be another exciting journey for all of you.

Help me to always remember this Lord, that nothing is going to happen in the next year that you and I can't handle together, because I know that during the toughest period of my life, you will always be there to carry me till the tide subsides.

I don't need anything in my life, because nothing beats knowing the fact that you will always meet my needs overabundantly.

WTF

Took half day leave today to accompany my fren for double despatches. It has been a relatively bad day tdy. An MP with only an LCP rank at MINDEF by the name of lee shao hao abused his authority jus becos both my fren and I are only privates. First I was refused admission into the camp because I wore cargoes when i was given permission by his fellow colleague. Secondly, my fren tried to change for a visitor pass with his navy attire and was told to change into a proper attire before asking. However, his previous experience was that pple are allowed to book in with his navy attire. After making him wait for few minutes there and passing that LCP his 11b , my fren decided to change into the full No.3 uniform in their toilet. When he returned, the very same person did not allow him to enter becos he wore spectacles that is not approved by MINDEF which was totally nonsensical. When approached amicably to resolve this issue, that guard told me fren to wipe the smile off his face otherwise he will book him. This wasn't the best part yet. The worst thing was that he denied taking my fren's 11B and refused to search for it. In the end we tried all means to resolve the issues but to no avail. The servicemen's attitude totally appalled me. To think that such a person actually exist. An LCP acting as though he is the general of the camp. In the end, we left the camp without delivering the documents we were suppose to deliver into the camp. An hour later, he called my camp to tell them that he found my fren's 11B in the toilet which is bull crap becos my fren searched the toilet b4 he left the place after changing so that he will not leave anything behind. This leaves us with only one conclusion. That the servicemen kept my fren's 11B in his drawer either intentionally or ignorantly and tried to shift the blame by saying that he found it in the toilet. What a jerk right? To think such a person actually exist.

It's been a tiring 4 days. But I had lots of fun no doubt.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevere.

Nothing is impossible

I’m not gonna live by what I see,
I’m not gonna live by what I feel

Deep down I,
Know that You’re here with meI know that,
You can do anything

Through You,
I can do anything,
I can do all things,
For it’s You who give me strength,
Nothing is impossible

Through You,
Blind eyes are opened,
Strongholds are broken,
I am living by faith,
Nothing is impossible!

I believe, I believe,
I believe, I believe in You

If you're alone in the cold and dark night, who would you call?

The only effect that is disproportionate is the amount of happiness bestowed by a small compliment. A smile a day really keeps the devil at bay.

4 consecutive hours of driving gave me a really bad headache. Mounted a few kerbs and knocked down 3 poles in the last 30 mins of that fateful 4 hours drive. However, instructor was rather gracious and understanding so he let me complete that module. Thank God for him. Anyway I'm beginning to feel that certain events and certain people are coincidentally placed by God in my life to test me. To see whether my faith is in line with His word. It is quite difficult to forgive someone after a huge tiff. But the word says why do you look at the speck in your brother's eye but you have a plank in your eye. I think I need to do some self-evaluation about this. Nevertheless I'm going to trust Him more. The more seemingly perfect you are, the less you will be willing to be dependent on Him. I'm so glad I'm brimming with limitations. In this way, I know that I can be moulded and crafted into a masterpiece by Him.

Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things that you do not know.
Jeremiah 33:3

The bible says "Be joyful in all circumstances." It's easier said than done. What would Jesus do if He were in my position? It's so hard to live cohesively with people with different mindsets and upbringing from you. But is it impossible? I guess not.

Talking about goal setting. How far am I from attaining my goal. It seems to be that I'm in a terribly wide distance from getting it. I need to start devising a work plan and make sure it comes to pass.

Not my will but yours be done. If you are for me, who can be against me?

In order to be great, we must first be the servant of all.

When we get depressed or feeling helpless and even have suicidal thoughts, it is not a psychological problem but it is actually demons that are manipulating us. Sometimes we offer medicine and drugs to victims of depression and helplessness but the very fact is that we cannot medicate a demon. The bible says that we should submit to God, resist the devil and he will flee from you. All we need to do is simply to obey God and everything else will fall into place.

The devil is always on the lookout and whenever there is a hole or flaw in your life, he will occupy that vacancy in your heart and manipulate you to turn away from God. Jesus says I stand on the door and knock, whoever opens the door, I will come in and eat with him and him with me. Are you willing to open up this door leading to freedom from all emotional hurts, physical afflictions and psychological anxieties?

Why do i get this feeling that I won't survive pass this year?

Life's ain't that bad after all. Despite all the extras given to me, I'm still a contented person cos i feel that God is going to do something great through me. It's been a journey man and it's gonna be more exciting.

If going to church makes you a christian, then going to macdonalds will make you a hamburger. Being a christian is not just a declaration with words, but a proclamation with actions. Living a -christian life means leading a transformed life, a life that is Christ-centered. Yeah, it's a long journey but I know I can do it.

Philippians 3:14
I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

The only easy day was yesterday

Now I'm starting to believe NDU's motto. "The only easy day was yesterday." This 2 days has been the most terrible days of my life. Doing dirty stuff that I never picture myself doing in a million years. Sustained a terrible headache after inhaling all the poisonous dust from the furnitures that were neglected eons ago. It's too difficult to stop myself from complaining about my job. But fancy a PES E person doing stuffs that even a PES A would not want to do, and is only paid a meagre non-combat and non-risk pay. SAF is really a Serve And Fu*k Off place. On the brighter note, at least my exams are ending soon, i'll be able to start reading books and exercising normally again. Till then.

Let Go Of The Past And Move On

Take responsibility for learning from past successes, as well as past mistakes or setbacks- both your own and those of others. It's okay to visit the past; but just don't live in it. And if the past hurts: don't re-watch a bad movie. Many people seem too busy replaying their past, that they miss the present and don't spend enough time creating their future. If you want to Go MAD (Make a Difference) in the future, you must be willing to let go of the past- after taking the learning from you.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." Albert Einstein.

" You can let the past keep hold of you, or you can choose to take hold of the future.

Until one is commited
There is hesistancy
The chance to draw back,
Always ineffectiveness.

Concerning all acts of initiative
There is one elementary truth,
The ignorance of which kills
Countless of ideas and endless plans:
That the moment on definitely commits oneself,
then providence moves too.

All sorts of things occur to help one
That would never otherwise have occured
A whole stream of events isses from the decision,
Raising in one's favour in all manner of
Unforeseen incidents and meeting and
material assistance, which no an
could have dreamed would come his way.

Whatever you can do or
dream you can, begin it!
Boldness has genius, power and
magic in it."

Johann Wolfgang Van Goethe.

If anyone were to follow me, he has to deny himself, take up his cross and follow me. How far are you willing to go to live out the dream that God has in place for you?

"But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well. " Matthew 6:33

This week is truly hell week for me. All sort of life's shit is thrown at me. Boredom, scoldings( pulling of ranks ), manual labour ( Yes, even for PES E pple), getting extras for the first time of my entire life and studying woes. What more can be installed for me next week? I never used to complain that much until I entered NS. I really HATE my current life man. I just wanna sleep and pray that tomorrow will be much better. But can it really happen?

"Love your neighbour as yourself." It's much easier said than done. Help me Lord to forgive those who sinned against me. Help me to resist the temptation of being negative towards others. Help me to become more like you.

You alone can make me smile.

Nike race was quite fun! Although I went alone but I met quite a fair bit of familiar faces. Spoke to a few random pple as well. Clocked a personal best timing of 45 minutes 42sec 21 millisec. Quite an acheivement considering that I didn't rest much for the past few days. The winner clocked a little over 30minutes only. It's like a sick timing! I think i would probably need to train for a few decades to get that kind of timing! Met up with a few pple today. Somehow i miss the times when I can do whatever I like and have pple accompanying me not like in NS where everyone is too busy about their own lives. But it's time to move on! It will be just like the days in NJ when I do not know anyone initially but in the end establishing quite a number of friendships with pple. Bball tmrw! Exciting. Better head to bed soon. Or else I'll really fall sick again.



I do not have to worry about my future. Because I know that I'm safe and secure in your hands.

Life's gonna throw all sorts of shit at you. But remember that you are never alone in this fight. Because the smaller we seem to be, the bigger God will be in our lives. Sometimes I do not understand your ways. But I'm gonna trust you.

Today's sermon was defnitely damn impactful. It is true that being a Christian is definitely not a bed of roses. As a christian we will have to face seven kinds of sufferings. From Psalms 34:19, Many are the afflictions of the righteous, but the God delivers them out of them all. Sometimes we look around and wonder why are some good people suffering yet those who rejoice in doing evil happily living their own life. This is where this sermon is applicable.

Suffering comes in all shapes and sizes.Therefore, when we are unable to handle suffering in our lives, we will be disillusioned and tend to blame others and God for being so cruel. The first point is storms of life in Luke 6:47-48. It is the nature of life to be stormy, but we can choose how we respond to the stormy weather. In this life, everyone will at least face a storm heading towards our home. But if we build our house on Christ the rock and not the shifting sand that provides no foundation at all, we will be overcomers in life. While building this stronghold, we must also dig down deep and get rid of all dirt and filth that is unclean in God's eyes. (repentance) It is just like the case of a bar of soap. No matter how much wonders the bar of soap can produce, if we do not open the wrapper, we will not be able to experience its goodness. Similarly, if we do not repent of our old sins, no matter how much we plead with God, He will not answer us. As a christian, we must be ready for blessings and adversity. However some people only knows how to abound and not abass, therefore, when the wind blows, their house will topple. The role model we should learn from is Paul from Philippians 4:11-12, we should learn when to downsize and make adjustments, and when to be humble.

Secondly, the point is chastening (Dealings of God). Although Job is a extremely righteous man who feared God, God still has to bring Job into a process of dealing and training so that He can possess the sonship. Sometimes when God deals with us, we will get rebuked and even discouraged. In the process of our transformation to be like Christ, we have to undergo suffering. With hardship, we will never taste the sweetness of our success. To be able to be true sons and daughters of God, we have to choose to be chastened by God and let him guide us to the correct path again.

Thirdly, temptations. God does not tempt us, it is rather the Devil who tempts us by bringing people into our lives to provoke us. In this case, temptations cause us to blame God. Although we can never stop temptations from coming, we can stop temptations from getting a foothold in our lives. Just as Paul mentioned in Hebrews 4:15-16, Jesus is tempted in all possible ways yet was without sin. Because of that, we are able to come before God to ask for strength to overcome temptations because the very power that Christ possess is actually in us since we too are the temple of God. An for every temptations that we go through, God will always provide a way our for us. All we need to do is ask!

Fourth, spiritual warfare. The main tool in Satan's arsenal is condemnation and discouragement. When we judge others or discourage others, we are actually doing satan's dirty work. But we have to know that Satan cannot do anything without God's permission. And when he does that , God wants to build us up and not to tear us down.

Fifth, Afflictions. Everyone in this world will undergo either physical suffering or mental anguish. However, God listens and empathizes with us. Sometimes we think that no one bothers about us or our complaints but we are wrong. God actually cares for us and wants to listen to you.

Sixth, persecution. People tend to scold and attack us for being righteous and living a christian life. God promised us blessings, but he said that persecution will come hand in hand will it as well. But we have to know that not everyone gets qualified to be persecuted, only true followers of God will get persecuted. Philippians 1:29. Hence, Christians should rejoice because we are worthy to suffer for His name's sake.

Lastly, the trials of faith. From james 1:2-3, the testing of our faith develops patience which also means the capacity to endure. Our outlook will determine our outcome and our attitude will determine our aptitude. Tough times are not abnormal, it will help us to develop and be a great leader in life. Job 13:15. As long as we need an explanation from God about why he does things that seem illogical, we can never learn to trust God. When we can reach a point where we can trust God even if he destroys us, we are considered a true son of God. therefore, when we cannot see God's hand, we should learn to trust God's heart. When we want to know why, we are actually playing God. Rather than screaming in agony, everytime we suffer a trial, we will get bigger inside because we have to be a giant in order to live in the land of a giant. When we pass the test given by God, we will be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. Are you ready to trust God and let him take helm of your life? As the bible says, If anyone were to follow me, he have to deny himself, take up his cross and follow him. I don't know whether I can but I wil definitely give it a shot.

Anyway thanks for everyone who wished me happy birthday and greater thanks to those who took extra effort to celebrate my 19th birthday with me. Really appreciated it alot. This year will definitely be one that is filled with more exciting journeys. I look forward to living a more fulfiling life.

Today is a semi-bad and good day. Good becos practically i enjoyed myself in camp. Bad becos I was involved in some freak car accident. Oh well, kinda dampened my mood a little already. But the very fact that I got 475 bucks from the IT show liften my mood. Probably going to work for some more well-known company for the next IT fair. Will be looking forward to tmrw. Hope everything goes smoothly. Anyway I'm badly sunburnt again. Played an hour of bball for tdy. But it's pretty interesting to start another bball culture. This time not in church but rather in camp. I guess I'll need more strength and agility. Time to head back to the gym.

Life is good when we look at things with a different perspective. It is almost as good as we imagine it to be. :)

2 more days

3 more days to my birthday! Somehow I feel old and useless. At 19 years old and still stucked with a meagre savings, I have to really do something about it. Although it's gonna be my birthday soon, it just feels like any other normal weekend. In my ten months of service, I have learnt to cherish every minute of my time outside camp. Not that every minute spent outside was productive though. Weekends are suppse to be a period of relaxation for me, however, recently I have packed my scheldule to the brim.

With the advent of more appointments, exams and driving lessons, I feel that my lifestyle is getting too hectic for me to slow down and enjoy life. Perhaps I should take time off on that very special day to just sit back and relax. It will somehow be like my sabbath day! I wonder how many people actually bother to remember birthdays by heart and not rely on reminders sent out from social networking sites. With many new resolutions upcoming for the 19 years old me, I'm going leave my old shell behind and assume more vital responsibilities in my workplace as well as at home. Although resolutions are very important, I would like to state my stand clearly that nothing beats growing close to God. Therefore, I would like to see a spiritual breakthrough in my life not just by words but by actions. I look forward to living a new life.

Delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart.

When nothing seems to be in your favour, all the more you have to stand strong kian hwee. When you do not feel God's presence at all, all the more must you have greater faith. I have to complete this race, for this is what I'm called to do. To live is Christ and to die is gain. Life consists of many crossroads, but we are only destined to go to one path. Which road then should I head to?

Went for service today. The sermon by Pastor Kong left me totally disappointed with myself but at the same time happy that there is actually hope for me. It is totally true that our real self manifests when we are undergoing a crisis.

Take the story of Job. He is a person with great moral values, deeply staunch man, a priest to many, a king to the people and lastly a doting father to his kids. However, God allowed calamities to take place in his life in order to test him. In a short 24 hours, he lost all his great possessions, which is equivalent to at least 5 bill gates of current times, his animals (camels were the only mode of transportation back then) and all his children. Instead of blaming God, Job instead fell to his knees and worshipped God. "Naked I came from my mother's womb, And naked shall I return there. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; Blessed be the name of the Lord. " Satan was not contented and ask God permission to inflict pain on Job's health so that Job will turn his back on God. Yeah, nothing can happen to us without God's permission. And when God allows something to happen to us, it is because He loved us too much that He did not want us to remain the same. He wants us to be transformed. Job however proclaimed with increasing faith that God is Lord of His life.

How many of us will respond like Job in the face of adversity, trials and tribulations? I'm sure the numbers can even be displayed by the fingers on our hand. We must actually remember that we are not undergoing all these alone. Because when we walk with God, and rejoice in our circumstances, He will in fact watch over us. God is more interested in moulding our character instead of all our material possessions. God is not a program and we are not the programmer. Sometimes we pray and ask God how come He did not bless me with this and that, but He knows the path that we should take and that path no matter how dark it seems ,will make us the head and not the tail. Furthermore, the possessions that we have on earth is temporal. God loaned it to us, and we shouldn't let it lord over our lives.

In the same way, when a child falls sick, his body is actually fighting with the viruses and bacteria to develop an immunity against it. In the same way, God did not allow suffering to wreck us but allows us to build immunity towards it so that we will become a stronger person. Job 23:10 " But He knows the way that I take; When He has tested me, I shall come forth as gold. " Yes, we may not understand all this right now, but when we are obedient and have faith, we will emerge stronger.

Not my will but yours be done. Are you ready to make this calling?

Sometimes we wish to be left alone, yet when we are alone, we would pray for someone to come along and actually show some care. How contradicting a human's mind can be huh.

HEART

H.E.A.R.T @ WORK

Humour
Enthusiasm
Attitude
Relationship
Trust

Yeah, all this components are essential in order to make work fun. Cos work made fun gets done!

And i shall give thanks to the Lord daily, for His love endures forever.

KOREA

Back from korea! Super tired cos i played and shopped non-stop. Endless activities going on every now and then, and tried many new things and made many new frens. This is the life that I like man! haha. Korea's generally a fine place with nice sceneries and nice pple, just that the people there eat kimchi EVERYDAY without fail and no one except a small handful knows english!!!!! Anyway pictures will be uploaded pretty soon. Took around close to a thousand photos! Hmm, shall plan my next trip soon.

Yay! Finally after the long wait. I'll be on my way to korea by tmrw night. Shall hope I have lots of fun. It's a long and well deserved break for me.



Job 23:10 But he knows the way that I take; when he has tested me, I will come forth as gold.

What if within a short period of 2 hours you can actually earn more than your NS monthly pay, would you be interested? Sure I do.

au revoir old me

I decided to give medical school another try. Shall apply to australian university next year. I gotta raise 500,000 bucks within a short 15 months. Looks like I gotta take my life seriously from now onwards and no fool around anymore cos I no longer a kid. 4 more days to korea. Hopefully the day passes fast. Camp life has been terrible this week. But ugly truth was great today. But true love does exist in the end.

To love is a gift from God, to be loved is to receive a glimpse from heaven.

Today's been a tiring day. First time I stood for 15 hours straight, minus the 10 minutes lunchbreak which I get to sit. But well, it was a rather enriching experience. Learnt many new things about sales, the good and the bad side. Made new friends, exposed myself to the unfamiliar world. All I can say is that I shall not let my 2 days of leave and 2 days of precious weekend come to a waste. I must make the full use out of it. I am therefore I can.

On the side note, I saw a stray baby kitten on the alleyway near farrer park station. It was like this kind young thing (half the size of my size 9 shoes) crawling on the ground finding its mum. Couldn't find a shoebag or bag to contain it. That's y i didn't managed to carry it to the SPCA. During my search for the bag, the kitten actually fell into the drain and couldn't crawl out. Didn't manage to save it. Feel quite bad now. Come to think of it, being alone when you are young is kinda sucky. I wouldn't want that to happen to me.

By the way, Life's good, but can it get any better?

Sometimes we have to sacrifice a little of some things in order to get a little more of the other thing. This is the theory of opportunity cost.

Ask not what others can do for you, but ask what can you do for others?

After making the prayer to change myself from the inside out, I'm back to my own old self again. It's too difficult to control my temper, to forgive the people in my camp, to not judging others and to not wishing the worst of others, which in short cursing others. I do not wanna seek to be informed about Jesus's message about the gospel, the promise of a new lease of life. But i wanna be transformed by the living Word. It's no longer a journey that I can bring others along with me, it's a journey that I have to go through by myself. Alone yet armed with God's Word. For when I am weak then I am strong. If Jesus can go through 40 days and 40 nights in the desert without food and water.so can I go through 469 more days. What is my pain compared to the afflictions that Jesus went through.

Romans 8:38-39
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.



Help me to learn to forgive others, just as how you have forgiven me. Help me to not judge others but rather look at the beauty of your creation and marvel in awe of it. Be with me as I go through this 469 more rough days to come. Nothing beats knowing that you are with me, carrying me through this desert storm, leaving behind your set of fooprint as I look back at my life in my last breath. Amen

Apart from me, you can do nothing.

Sometimes you have to be thick-skinned and willing to go against the odds to succeed. The more someone tells you u can't, the more u have to prove him wrong. Thomas Edison tried 10,000 ways before succeeding in inventing the light bulb. When questioned, he said that he only tried 9,999 ways that did not work. Those were not failures, but merely stepping stones required to be present in order to succeed. If Thomas Edison can do it, I, Kian Hwee, can also do it.

Help me to remember Lord, that nothing is going to happen today that you and I can't handle.

I officially declare that I suck in driving. That's a bad news. On the flipside, I got an A and a B for my mass comm module. Not bad considering that I was sick for the whole of the exam week plus i studied last minute. 4 more modules to go before graduation project which is similar to another PW.... Life's getting packed with activities. 1 more month to Korea. 474 more days to ORD... Ok forget my last sentence. ZZZzz

Went to city harvest church today! Felt refreshed after missing out God's word for very long. Pastor Kong spoke about the story of David and Goliath. Everyone will face a "Goliath" one way or another in our life. But are we ready to brace ourselves for the challenge and hurl the stone at goliath?

1) The stone of the past.

God uses our painful past in order to build a backbone of steel in us so that we will be courageous and not lacking in faith. A good memory will build a hero out of us.

2) The stone of prayer.

Our prayer will be tested with time. Are we ready to arm ourselves with prayers to overcome the "Goliath" in our lives?

3) The stone of priority.

Matthew 6:33 "First seek first His kingdom and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well."

4) The stone of passion.

Are we really passionate for the cause of God? Because God will invest on the one with passion. If we stay on fire for God, we will never lose track of our objectives.

5) The stone of persistence.

Sometimes we just have to keep getting up and up and up after failures in order to be a giant slayer.

Armed with these five stones. Are you ready to meet the Goliath in your life?

Today's quite a boring day. No gym, not enough sleep, time seems to come to a standstill. But alright, driving was quite interesting. My first lesson wasn't that bad after all. Another 17 lessons to look forward to. It's another month before I head to Korea. Can't wait to leave this dreaded place. Even for a moment. Yeah, I can last through for now. I hope. French exams this saturday. I am so dead I think. Anyone able to revise with me?

I REALLY HATE YOU TO THE CORE.

Army half marathon today! First time ran 21km without stopping, except during the water points becos it was too freaking crowded. Took like 1 hour and 49 mins to complete. But can do bettter if I put in my effort in the last 5km. Oh well, anyway next race will be mizuno wave run/ run NUS. Will train harder although the physiotherapist told me to stop running for a few months or else I will be really injured. Running is really my passion. It will really be good to have someone sharing the same passion as me. Perhaps can join me in future races too. Shall go on a strict diet now. Energy bar for breakfast, then 1 scoop of rice and a little ingredients for lunch and perhaps something healthy for dinner for this week. Shall try to lose 4-5 kg by end of this week. Wish me luck. haha. Anyway practical lessons starting next week. Excited. Shall try to get my driving license by this year. Au revoir.


Always start the race with the end in mind!

Time's ticking..How to make this one life of mine count? Honestly, I have no idea.

Went to youth service just now. Think it is somehow God's will and timing for me to be there since the message came at a timely manner. It is surprisingly and alarmingly true that Singaporeans spend most of the time complaining and making disparaging negative remarks about others as well as ther own lives. The hokkien term "sian" can almost be found in our daily colloquial usage of words. Correct me if I'm wrong. We tend to think about how disastrous our lives are and how good other people's life is relative to ours.

However, as the famous philosopher remarked, "The world do not owe us a living, it was here first." Yes, coincidentally that made perfect sense. Sometimes we have to stop and think about how to make our life better instead of sitting on a stool and blaming yourself for the poor fate. I'm almost perfectly certain then no one will reply 'Life's been pretty good and going smoothly as planned,' if I were to pose a question "How's life been for you?" to the particular person.

Yeah, indeed it can be quite difficult to change our present circumstance. But I have decided to give it a go and let God take charge of my life once again. God did not come to earth so that we have just lead a normal or 'sian' life but He came down to die on the cross so that we can have a life and have it to the fullest.

Quelle est la vie? Permettez à Dieu de vous montrer la voie

Searching the answer to life's toughest question is as arduous as finding a needle in a haystack.


Can't let the music stop
Can't let this feeling end
Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never see you again
Can't let the music stop
Until I touch your hand
'Cause if I do, it'll all be over
I'll never get the chance again
I'll never get the chance again


Au revoir

Trois aout 2009

3 exams this week. 1 down 2 more to come!

Anyway polyclinics is the worst place to hang out in. Lots of unhappy and disgruntled patients blaming themselves for falling sick and hurling accusations at nurses and doctors for their incompetencies due to the long waiting time. Makes me wonder whether being a doctor is actually an honourable job.

Went to golden mile complex after examinations to check out some stuffs then managed to catch a glimpse of a side of singapore that was unknown to me before today. Saw many thai prostitutes and transvestites lurking outside and within the building. Quite a scary place to be in though. Left after getting my information.

Anyway I can't wait to go overseas next month, a place that is not as lonely, boring and sad as Singapore. 1.5 more months to go. Come on time machine! Bring me into the future.

Trois aout 2009

3 exams this week. 1 down 2 more to come!

Anyway polyclinics is the worst place to hang out in. Lots of unhappy and disgruntled patients blaming themselves for falling sick and hurling accusations at nurses and doctors for their incompetencies due to the long waiting time. Makes me wonder whether being a doctor is actually an honourable job.

Went to golden mile complex after examinations to check out some stuffs then managed to catch a glimpse of a side of singapore that was unknown to me before today. Saw many thai prostitutes and transvestites lurking outside and within the building. Quite a scary place to be in though. Left after getting my information.

Anyway I can't wait to go overseas next month, a place that is not as lonely, boring and sad as Singapore. 1.5 more months to go. Come on time machine! Bring me into the future.

One more week...

Let go of the Past and Move on

Take responsibility for learning from past successes, as well as past mistakes or setbacks both your own and those of others. IT's okay to visit the past; but just don't live in it. And if the past hurts: don't re-watch a bad movie. Many people seem too busy replaying their past, that they miss the present and don't spend time creating their future. If you want to Go and make a difference (MAD) in the future, you must be willing to let go of the past after taking the learning from you.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. THe important thing is not to stop questioning."


"You can let the past keep hold of you, or you can choose to take hold of the future."

Sometimes it is good to forget who you really are because in that way, you will be able to accomplish feats that are beyond your wildest imagination.

A journey of a thousand miles begin with a single step.


GP. A word that is unheard of for ages. Is it even possible now?

My greatest enemy is none other than myself.

It's time to pick myself up and move along. No point crying over spilled milk, mulling over things that I should have done but did not do, regretting over wrong decisions that I have made previously that still affects me currently. I believe that whatever the mind can conceive and believe, it can achieve. I'm not going to be the same anymore. I need the grace to accept with serenity the things that cannot be changed. courage to change the things that can be changed, and the wisdom to distinguish the one from the other.


Don't go around saying that the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Happiness is yet to be until one realizes that he has accomplished something. For now, it's an element that is still missing in my life. Until my goal is achieved.

Je veux étudier la médecine, mais qui va me sponsoriser ?


Things of this world is irrelevant to me.

quinze juillet 2009

Sometimes you desire for something so much but you can't have it, you no longer want to pursue it anymore.


Mon Seigneur, mon Seigneur, pourquoi m'avez-vous renoncé ?

FUCK Why are some people so insensitive to others. Is it really hard for one to understand and put themselves into the shoes of others.

Knock you down
[Keri Hilson]
Not again
Oh this ain't supposed to happen to me

[Kanye West]
Keep rockin and keep knockin'
Whether you're Louie Vuittonin' it up, or Reebokin'
You see the hate that they serving on a plater
So what we gon have dessert or disaster?

[Keri Hilson]
I never thought I'd be in love like this
When I look at you my mind goes on a trip
Then you came in and knocked me on my face
Feels like I'm in a race but I already won first place
I never thought I fall for you as hard as I did (as hard as I did, yeah)
You got me thinking about our life, our house and kids (Yeah)
Every morning I look at you and smile
Cause boy you came around and you knocked me down (knocked me down)

[Chorus]
Sometimes love comes around (love comes around, love comes around)
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down (knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down (knocks you down)

[Ne-Yo]
I never thought I hear myself say
Ya'll gon hate
I think I'm going to kick it with my girl today
I used to be commander-in-chief for my pimp ship flying high
Till i met this pretty little missile, who shot me out the sky
So now I'm crashing don't know how it happened
but i know it feels so damn good
Said if i could go back and make it happen faster
don't you know i would baby if i could
Miss independent, to the fullest, the load never too much
she helping me pull it, she shot bullet that ended that life
I swear to you the pimp in me just died tonight
girl sometimes love

Sometimes love comes around (love comes around, love comes around)
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down (knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down (knocks you down)

[Kanye West]
Tell me now can you make past your caspers
So we could finally fly off into NASA
You was always the cheerleader of my dreams
to seem to only date the head of football teams,
and i was the class clown that always kept you laughing
we were never meant to be, baby we just happened
so please don't mess up the trick,
hey young world, i'm the new slick rick,
they say i move to quick but we can't let this moment past us,
let the hour glass pass right into ashes
let the wind blow the ashes right before my glasses
so i wrote this love letter right before my classes
how could a goddess ask someone that's only average, for advice
o-m-g you listen to that bitch?
woah is me, baby this is tragic
cause we had it, we was magic
i was flying, now i'm crashing
this is bad, real bad, michael jackson
now i'm mad, real mad, joe jackson
you should leave your boyfriend now, i'ma ask him

[Keri Hilson]
so you gotta take the good with the bad, the happy and the sad
or will you bring the better future then i had in the past
cause i don't want to make the same mistakes i did
i don't wanna fall back on my face again
woah, woah
i'll admit it, i was scared to answer loves call
woah, woah
and if it hits, better make it worth the fall

(When it comes around)

Sometimes love comes around (love comes around, love comes around)
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down (knocks you down)
Sometimes love comes around (comes around)
and it knocks you down
just get back up
when it knocks you down (knocks you down)

Won’t see it coming when it happens
but when it happens you’re gonna feel it, let me tell you now
you see when love comes knocks you down

Won’t see it coming when it happens
but when it happens you’re gonna feel it, let me tell you now
you see when love knocks you down

Almost died while jogging just now. Had minor chest pains. Figured out that I'm still a little too young to leave so early. Still have big plans and ambitions, drive a nice car, play my basketball games and the happiness of being with my loved ones and enjoying gourmets under the moonlight by the seaside. Made me realised how fragile human life actually is. All the recent deaths reported by the news, an officer being pinned down by a land rover and a polytechnic student who died after being kicked on the neck further confirmed my realisation. Feeling older as each second passes, I wonder how long more then will my youth fade or would I even live till that day. Somehow thats the thing that has been bothering me for the past few weeks. Made me learn to cherish the people around me more and the things around. Youth is indeed something that money certainly cannot buy. No matter how much you spend on cosmetics, surgeries or vitality pills. One day we will still bid this world goodbye eventually.

Life is just tough. But hardships don't last, only tough people last.


Pouvez-vous marcher ce voyage avec moi ?

Optimism fades into pessimism, happiness overshadowed by sorrow, ability being overtaken by disability, strengths overpowered by flaws, affection drained by hatred. Everything now seems insignificant and meaningless.

La vie est vraiment dénuée de sens ?

huit juin 2009

Another normal day at work, going through the same lifestyle again. Waking up at 5.30am, catching the 6am bus. Sleep on the bus till 6.55am before reaching my stop. Take the shuttle bus into my base at 7am and reach the base ard 7.20am. Walk through the security check, take another shuttle bus from the guard house into the medical centre. Approximately reaching my office at 7.30am. Change into No.3 uniform, change into my contact lenses and munch my fruit while doing something all the way until 8.15am when my supervisor will step in and assign tasks for me to do. And the list goes on...

I really pity people who sign on with the SAF. This is the kind of routine and regimental lifestyle that they have to go through everyday assuming that they are admin bounded. It's such a pity to waste your life doing unexciting stuffs, talking to the same old people, trying to make your life happier by forcing urself to smile at every single thing that is happening around you. Life should be action-packed, one that is filled with exploration of the things unknown, with adventures fraught with small dangers lurking at every crevices and unexpected surprises planted at every juncture of the journey. As good as it may sound, it can only be found in films such as Indiana Jones, James Bond etc.. Sometimes I wish that what happens in movies will take place in reality. The media portrays serving in the military as something honorable and mind-blowing. But the truth is that it actually blows your mind off. Literally in this case. The reasons are almost self-explanatory. Oh well, looking at the brighter side, 7 months has passed. Small figures do really make a large difference.

Looking forward seems to be the last remaining option left for me.

sept juin 2009

Ate manhattan fish's market ytd and Aston's chicken today. Super fulfiling! It's sort of a way to pamper myself since i have no other means of spending my money other than on food. Taking my real final theory test of driving end of this month. Can't wait to get a driving license. Then hopefully by some chance I will have the money to get a car by end of this year so that travelling will be much easier. Transportation services doesn't favour nocturnal creatures like me. So therefore, self sufficiency would be the key solution to night activities.

Everyone seems busy nowadays. Preparation for exams, busy working, getting warmed up for freshman year in university. This sets me thinking that the life is singapore is really too fast-paced for me. We seem to always be in a rush that having nothing to do can actually be something enjoyable. Chilling out in beaches, watching the sunrise, cycling in parks, having picnic by the seaside, watching the sunset. All this seemingly trivial stuffs can actually be quite meaningful. At least it provides distraction from the reality that we are socially engineered into and the harshness of the nostalgic past that we are so reluctant to let go. There is a time to come and a time to go for everything. My time's just not up yet so remaining is the only option left. Tilll then will i be set free.

I hung up the phone tonight
Something happened for the first time
Deep inside
It was a rush, what a rush
Cause the possibility
that you would ever feel the same way
About me
It's just too much, just too much

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Goin away
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Has it ever cross your mind
When were hangin, spending time girl,
Are we just friends
Is there more, is there more
See it's a chance we've gotta take
Cause I believe that we can make this into
Something that will last, last forever, forever

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah yeah yeah
Goin away
Yeah yeah yeah yeah

Why do I keep running from the truth
All I ever think about is you
You got me hypnotized, so mesmerized
And I just got to know

Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
Am I crazy or falling in love
Is it real or just another crush
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do
Cause I'm tryin, tryin to walk away
But I know this crush aint goin away
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Goin away
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

(Goin away yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do you ever think
When you're all alone
All that we can be
Where this thing can go
(Goin away yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Do you catch a breath
When I look at you
Are you holding back
Like the way I do

Had my first french lessons at Alliance Francaise. The teacher is not bad, just that her method of teaching is quite scary but nevertheless entertaining. Somehow she reminds me of a model, just that she lacked the model height although the facial features and figure is there. Look young for her age.

Anyway ate the most filling meal of the year at Kublai Khan Mongolian BBQ Buffet. Cost an extravagant price of 28.60 each pax. Practically like spammed all the food into plates and plates and in the end couldn't finish all the food. Photos not with me though. The buffet ended up in a high notes as we tried many means to dispose the food without being found out since food wasters will be slapped with a hefty fine. Some of us tried to hide the food in tissue papers, in the cups, or just disfigure the food so that it seems like we have taken a chunk off the food. Quite an unsightly scene though. Haha. In the end i jusst chose to finish my share! But ended up going home with a bigger than usual stomach and a heavier mass. Oh well, it's gonna be bball tmrw morning again so hopefully i can regain my normal mass again.

Used to look forward to weekends becos of all the interesting events that are lined up for me. But it seems like life is turning for the worst now as people start leaving, then office turns chaotic, hwk start piling in and new faces start surfacing. It's like having to adapt to a different set of culture every week. Not that i'm not used to it but it's quite tiring having to change my habit again and again. Oh well, just another 500 plus more days and i shall regain back my freedom. For now I shall just self entertain and find means to enjoy this NS life.

Just realised that my blog lacked photos becos NSFs are not allowed to bring any image capturing device. I shall start bringing a camera out during weekends instead. It's always good to capture the moment and treasure it for a lifetime so that when we look back at the photo, a smile is almost always guaranteed. Pictures of the unforgettable sad past however haunts me constantly and it is a rather mean feat to just delete them all away. At least there are several joyous occasions to look back at and hopefully pray for more to come my way.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
And you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

I officially declare that today's one of the most boring days of my life because of SAF parade day. Although i declare myself a loyalist to Singapore but this ain't the right way to torture innocent civilians/ military personnel. We went to the parade 2.5 hours early than usual becos of some screwed up arrangements by some WO. Then sat there and stone and listen to the parade commander practising his commands, listening to some random songs and reading my lecture notes. Army parades are very boring especially when you have only one companion next to u and surrounded by an army of regulars and officers/ enciks. Everyone seems to know each other and communicating in some kind of language that only their own parties know. Oh well, I have learnt my lesson. To keep myself scarce when occasions like this occur. At least I have my HP to keep myself occupied while waiting for time to fly or rather crawl.

Humans are strange because we only cherish a person when he or she is no longer around instead of cherishing them when they are around.

Gotten a new handphone 3 days ago. Quite a nice phone considering that it's a non-camera phone. Ate Aston's crispy fried chicken the day before. Somehow it has made its way into my list of kian's most coveted food. Haha. But need to cut down on the oily and carby stuffs. Almost eat fish and co for lunch today. But didn't wan to be extravagant so i ate yong tau foo instead. It's becoming like a battle between the trade-offs. Price versus quality. At this moment, the former comes of greater importance since my bank acc money has plummeted sharply ever since i entered NS. Another long day for me tmrw. Hopefully i'll have some decent company physically or on the phone. Or else I will be bored to death in SAFTI MI attending some SAF parade day. Oh well, clerks are usually targetted becos we hold the lowest positions and we are thought of as brainless. I shall not comment on that statement becos it is so not true. Shall start training up for army half marathon which includes a plan of running 10.5km 3 times a week or more. Getting lethargic after the 2nd attempt. Shall rest now. Yawns.


Memories keep surfacing hinting the impossibility of dismissing them.

It's so so difficult. Because everything that you want seems to be so near yet so far, so tangible yet so intangible. For a moment it seems like you have gotten it, then it slips through your fingers yet again. The harder it is to obtain it, the more i will cherish it. Therefore I will not give up.

Procrastination, indecisiveness and unpreparedness really irks me. But who am I to tell others to change huh. Anyway grouses aside, went shopping today! Watched a random R21 movie too. Super violent and gory, probabl will be my first and last R21 movie. Really gruesome. It's just as violent as saw but more explicit materials. Anyway that did not stop the hungry ghost in me. Went to eat at The Soup Spoon. The food is quite good and value for money. I think it ain't money that makes the world go round. Rather it is food that makes my world go round! Next week will be a rather busy week for me alr. It's funny how i treasure time better when i'm pressed for them and neglect the importance of time when it is present in abundance.

Why does love has to feel like a battlefield?

Sometimes being happy is not a matter of how rich you are, the materials that you possess or the achievements that you boast of. It can just be as simple as being with you.



fu^k this world..
Sometimes you just feel like breaking down and cry because the whole world seems to be against you.

Today's been a long and boring day. Fell asleep while reading public relations textbook. Decided to do something more novelish so i read some book on relationships. Plan failed, fell asleep again. Anyway something dramatic happened at my base. Some guy who went to butterfactory the day before contracted fever and was listed as a swine flu suspect. And he reported sick at the medical centre, the place where i work at la!!! That's like super scary. Pple donning their mask for the first time. I avoided the scene and went elsewhere until the ambulance came to fetch the guy to the hospital.

Went to gym during lunchtime as usual. Injured my leg the day before so it's purely arms training today. Quite a good stress/boredom reliever. Went to night lessons in the evening. Then I saw the notice which said that it was cancelled! IT's like WTH. Didn't even tell us b4hand or leave us a msg. Wasted my entire night away. In the end i spent my night walking ard j8, visiting the library as usual. To add on to my discontentment, some idiotic person placed an umbrella at my door. I didn't notice it and went to open the door and walk inside. Then the door slammed at my eyes. Luckily it is nothing serious or else I will end up like Louis Braille. Haix. What a series of unfortunate events taking place in a day. Hope tmrw will be better. I'm sure it will.

No one is able to change my future, only I myself hold the key to changing it.

Cycled 45km on sunday at paya lebar air base. Wasn't as hard as they claim it to be although the sweltering heat plus the traffic flow kinds of daunts people from enjoying the cycle. Nevertheless it was enjoyable considering that it is the first time i cycle for 2 hour plus continuously. It's gonna be army half marathon soon. Must begin my intensive weight-loss plus running regime. Anyway i'm stil stucked in my choice. NUS or NTU? perhaps the former sounds more appealing to me.

Choices are what made us uniquely humans. But now i rather not be presented with this freedom of choice cos I'm accepted into both NUS and NTU business and am now given the choice of getting to either business schools. Difficult choice huh. Opinions anyone? Deadline's monday! HELP!

Actually taking up business ain't a bad idea after all. Ok I do feel a little fickle-minded at times. Quite sick of hearing people telling me that taking up medicine is way out of the question because your grades are simply not up to that mark. But sometimes we shld just take positive criticisms as constructive feedback instead of dwelling upon it and thinking that the whole world is against u. This is the problem with our meritocratic society, we value grades too much and therefore neglect the feelings of others who are passionate about their ambitions but yet wielding the certificate which shows a poorer results and the marks of a gloomy future.

I do believe that life in singapore is indeed one that requires you to go against all odds. I'm really not going to bother about the opinions of people cos i alone dictate my own future and not my peers.

Anyway i'm sick of hearing army stories from people of all walks. I don't care whether you are an enlistee, recruit, private or even a general. Please spare me from your stories. I just wanna be a normal civilian.

I just wanna turn back time, back to the days in JC. With just a boo k on my left hand, a basketball on my right hand with a rainbow over my head.

Keep falling sick these few days. Sore eyes, Headache and diarrhoea. What's wrong with my immune system? Anyway Mizuno run was great! A run in the morning is indeed invigorating to the soul and the mind. However, the overall poor arrangement of the mizuno run is quite a letdown. Furthermore the uphill running and all is crazy. First time see so many pple walking in a race la. Had meatball marinara at subway with chan's family. Food was good and they were friendly as well. BBalled for 5 hours plus after that in the early afternoon. A period where most pros will not be ard. In the end, we just played against pple of a lower calibre. Quite fun though. this kind of bball bonding session makes me love bball even more! Super super tired now. Hopefully tmrw will be a short day for me. 1 more week to runway cycling! Maybe shld eat some buffet meal after that i hope. Haha.

To say that i love basketball is simply just an understatement.

I feel so far apart from you...



Draw close to me and I will draw close to you.

It's now or never. Seize it or u will lose it.


Whoever who loses their life for my sake will find it.

I feel very tired, making everyone ard me happy and convincing myself that i am happy. So tired of working everyday waking up so early to the grouses of my superiors. So tired of being exploited endlessly and still grudgingly accept their requests with a simple nod. I'm so tired of having to find something to do every week, everyday, every minute, every sec. I'm very tired of living the life that i'm living now. But i know i'm strong enough to handle this by myself. Soon all this will be over. And i shall rest in the House of the Lord forever.



Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened and I shall give you rest.
Matthew 11:28

Yeah, i will need it badly.

six juin 2009

Signed up for french lessons at another tuition centre Alliance Francais de Singapour which is supposedly more renowned! Going to have lots of projects and exams coming up shortly. Going to take my basic theory test soon too, the stepping stone to having my driving license. Life's quite hectic for me these few weeks and will not be any less easy for the upcoming months first. At least it beats the idea of doing nothing and rotting ard somewhere random. Anyway university's placing is more or less confirmed. But i shall not give up my dreams of being a doctor. Not for now maybe. Since i have the goal in mind, the problem now will be thinking of how to craft out a progress chart in order to make the goal tangible instead of remaining as an illusion. Up and on!



It's NO SURPRISE I won't be here tomorrow
I can't believe that I stayed till today
Yeah you and I will be a tough act to follow
But I know in time we'll find this was NO SURPRISE

Resolve to be a master of change rather than a victim of change. Yeah, it's time to brush aside all the past and adapt to the present. Regardless of the many trials that I have experienced so far, I will not be deterred from living my life to its fullest.



It is time...

Came across meaningful phrase while i was walking into MDIS. The greater the obstacle we are facing, the greater the glory in overcoming it. I guess it is time to step out of my comfort zone to face that obstacle so that I can bask in that glory when the time arrives.


Let your works so shine before men that they will see your deeds and praise our Father in Heaven.

Stayed over at Chan's hse plus dotAed abit too. Quite a cosy place and his family members are frenly too. Ran the saucony passion run with Chan after that. Pics will be up soon. Clocked a personal best timing i think but still quite slow due to the lack of sleep the night before. Watched Angels and Demons and yeah it was as good a movie as pple claimed it to be. Saw quite a scary scene midway through the movie becos someone fainted in the theatre. 4 pple hurried and carried him out of the theatre and probably dialled the ambulance's hotline. Was very very tired after that but still continued for a game of dotA at Chan's hse. Ate St louis pork ribs, very good yet super fattening! lucky these few weeks will up the intensity of gym and running sessions during lunchtime and after work. Gotta get myself into the acceptable weight range. Haha. Looking forward to mizuno run and army half marathon and the excitement installed for me during the races.

Let not the things of this world sway me until I have completed the race.

Life's pretty good today especially after all the auditing crap. Slept for 1.5 hours after lunch on the sofa and woke up with leg cramps. In addition, ytd's additional gym session cause me to sustain some chest pain. But MO reassured me that it was nothing after doing and ECG. Probably some muscle strain. Hopefully will be out in action for sunday's passion run! Quite looking forward to it except the fact that I will have to wake up super super early. Miss bball alot since i have not touched it for a decent 1 week. Praying for someone to call me out for a competitive bball game that doesn't clash with my weekend scheldule! Anyway the other module at MDIS is also very interested. Lecturer was rather humorous and active despite his rather old age of 62. Guess education is still the thing for me. Must fully utilized every single sec in my NS days.

Friends that last are what matters most, the rest can wait.

This has been a really crazy and busy week for me. Rushing around like a mad person, doing all the typings, carryings and filing. Driving me insane! Lessons today was quite engaging and interesting. Lecturer spoke about public relations and how to argue your way through the situation and handling crises professionally. Didn't regret choosing this mass comm course although I was the youngest in the class!!! Travelling is a big issue for me though. I think in my NS life I spent 40 percent of the total time on travelling. No wonder nothing productive is ever accomplished, with the exception of some maybe. Haha.

Anyway movies anyone? (Bernard here's ur chance) HAHA

The most difficult thing to do is to tell the truth, yet it is the most courageous thing that you can do.

Life is getting more and more busy back in camp. Having something to look forward to be it mid-day or end of work somehow serves as a better driving force for work to end faster. For now, I have been gyming almost every noon during lunchbreaks. Hopefully will do something else instead of gyming everyday so that life will be more colourful. ( Not that gym is really boring, it's quite relaxing for me actually ) Starting lessons this wednesday. Will change a different persona from then onwards. Shall be a mugger instead of an idler. School may be a boring word for many but definitely not to me. Used to dread school alot but when something is taken away from u, u will tend to cherish it more. Therefore, I'm so gonna cherish this education given to me. :)

NJ cultural concert tmrw! Pray that it better be good. Otherwise an occasional hanging out with juniors ain't a bad thing too. Jia you to all those performing!

Life is as good as you perceive it to be.

Life is like running a marathon. But will it be a journey in which only the sound of my footsteps will be heard, or will it be a journey whereby many footsteps will be running alongside with me?

I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:14

When life slaps you hard on your face, find means to fend off the next blow.

How i wish i can sleep through all my troubles and let them disappear by itself.

Today is a real bad day! :(:( At least watching good bball matches and eating good food makes me happy. Praying that someone or something will add colours to my mundane lifestyle at least for now.



It is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow.

Tonight

I remember the times we spent together
on those drives
We had a million questions
all about our lives
and when we got to New York
everything felt right
I wish you were here with me
tonight

I remember the days we spent together
were not enough
and it used to feel like dreamin'
except we always woke up
Never thought not having you
here now would hurt so much

Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I remember the time you told me about when you were eight
And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait
I remember the car you were last seen in
and the games we would play
All the times we spilled our coffees
and stayed out way too late
I remember the time you SAT AND told me about your Jesus
and how not to look back even if no one believes us
When it hurt so bad sometimes
not having you here...

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

I sing,
Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up
I need your loving hands to come and pick me up
And every night I miss you
I can just look up
and know the stars are
holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight

When life gives you lemon, you will pray silently for someone to turn it into lemonade.

Will your footsteps be the one following me, encouraging me, spurring me on in this game of life?

Happy Mother's Day to all mother's worldwide. And to my own mum as well. Thank you for bringing me into earth and allowing me to experience what is love and what it means to enjoy family warmth. Home is where the heart belongs. Let's appreciate our mums in this very special day. Don't wait for a funeral to pay a compliment. You may not make it in time.

I'll wait, even if it means for eternity.

The girls lost their last match in the quarter finals to VJ. But it's not grief or sadness but instead it is elation. Because it wasn't through an individual's effort that brought them thus far, but through the combination of everyone's skills and contributions that made NJ team such a formidable team. Never giving up even till the last second has always been the mantra of every single NJ basketballers. Yeah, that's right. We rather die trying than to die without trying. If you do not make an effort in acheiving something that u desire because you believe that u do not possess the ability to, you are totally wrong. Because in everyone of us, we have a hidden talent that is revealed through adversity. As the wise man says, Adversity reveals genius, prosperity conceals it. In order to be stronger, we have to work harder. It's quite sad to think that your 2 years spent training in this school will end with such a mini momentary bang. Cherish your years in NJC, Cherish ur frens and mostly imptly cherish the passion of basketball.

From day 1 of NJC, I grew from a utter hatred to the school, to a grudging acceptance and lastly to a fond liking to the school. Indeed JC does not encompass the studying factor solely because what we learn through our notes will not carry us through the rest of our lives. But it is the virtues and the attributes obtained and acquired through the rigorous and regimental education in JC that will follow us when we have graduated. Till now, I'm still proud to be a part of NJC. Proud to be!

What was hard to bear is sweet to remember

If you want something that badly, you have to practise hard and make it yours. You can't just sit down and expect the world's accolades to be conferred upon you. If you really want to win, show me that you really want to win. Finally, it is difficult to say what is impossible, for the dream of yesterday is the hope of today and the reality of tomorrow. What beholds your tomorrow lies in today's hard work. The question in life is not whether you get knocked down. You will. The question is, are you ready to get back up... And fight for what you believe in?

Be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.
John 16:33

Basketball girls lost by a small margin of 2 points despite the lack of players. Everyone fought well and gave their all in the match. Really proud of them. I'm proud to be an NJ basketballer. It's not the points of the match that matters but the very fact that we are playing alongside with one another and enjoying the game of basketball. Not a game where the glory goes to a single individual but a game that everyone has a piece of the puzzle in order to manifest the glory.

Basketball is my past, my present and my future.

Some scars are just unremovable.

In a dilemma

Can't get the course that I want! Don't know whether should i retake A levels! Really need people to comment! :(:(:(

Watch X men on labour day. It was a pretty good movie although it was considerably short. Was rather amazed by the entire effects and the story of how wolverine originated. But all good things will come to an end. (sorry for the spoiler) But Wolverine lost his memories after that. What if one day, we grow senile and forget about everything that we have been through and who we have been through together with. It's a rather frightening sad fact of life. This is why people rather remain in their teens. Just like I do. But time never seems to stop ticking.

Live life without regrets or it will come back and haunt you.

Signed up for Adv Dipl in mass comm at MDIS yesterday! Hopefully can hone my speaking and writing skills at the end of it. Played a little intensive bball in school as usual. Kneecap abit injured after that but who cares. Got accepted into some random NTU course that i put for fun. Oh well, gotta put my choices wisefully next year alr. haha

Went to empire state to eat their teriyaki burger with my long time that i had not seen in eons friend. The burger ain't really teriyaki cos it is beef instead of chicken. Oh well, consider myself unlucky then. Random catching ups like this really spices up my life since i'll normally have dinner alone outside after work. Makes me appreciate the people ard me even more. Going to sign up for my advanced diploma course tmrw early in the morning. Its time to stop slacking ard and get down to serious business.

Friends are everywhere, but good friends are like a needle in a haystack.

It's time for me to find my purpose in life.

When to school early in the morning to study my french today. People question me why i rather go to school than to stay at home. Somehow school feels more like home to me. Meeting frens, catching up and playing bball matches is a staple for me. It's something that being in NS has deprived me of. It's good to be granted freedom occasionally. The feeling is like an eagle being held captive in a miniature cage and somehow chanced upon the key to opening the cage. And out flew the eagle. Away from its captors. I do not mind even being alone in the grandstand looking at people having PE, watching the leaves rustling, hearing the sound of people enjoying their freedom or in the worst case watching every rain drop on the ground and praying to see a rainbow after the rain. The rainbow gives me a sense of self assurance because it is a covenant from God to me that every trial has its ending and that mine will be coming soon.

Those who hope in the Lord will soar on wings like eagle

The NJ bball girls totally rocked today la. Thrashed TPJC 54-39. They fought and sweat hard for such results. An extremely laudable performance indeed. Very inspiring! They taught me that basketball is not just an individual sport but a team game. Stellar results cannot be obtained through a solo effort but through the integration of all your team members. Moreover, they taught me that weaknesses are there to humble a person so that we will always work hard to eradicate our weaknesses while in the midst of improving our strength. Really really proud of them. Made me love the game of basketball even more.

It is difficult to put my mind off from it, but basketball allows me to.

Read an entire book at Times bookshop all by myself within a short hour while waiting for my CG members to end the CG. Had lunch at Aston's with them. Ordered the crispy chicken set and it was like 1 of the best chicken i've ever eaten considering that it is only $6.50 although the wait to enter the restaurant took 45 minutes or so. Decided to catch a movie Friday the 13th. Quite a violent movie with lots of nudity as well. Should be R21 instead of M18 la. Haha. Decided to try out the new shooting game at the arcade after that. Was cheated of my money because I suck terribly at the new game. Made a random major decision after thinking through some stuffs.

Anyway good luck to the NJ basketball girls for their match tmrw! Will be there to support physically and verbally!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" Isaiah 55:8

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4.

A journey of trials that I do not exactly comprehend at times but I wanna possess that faith to believe in the things unseen.

The girls played very well today although they lost the match. Hustling and diving for every loose balls, boxing out most of the time, being unselfish in the court by providing assistance. That is the true spirit of basketball manifested through the NJ girls. From a spectator's point of view, NJ girl were obviously the stronger and better team. However, lady luck chose to desert them at the crucial moment and the tide was favoured towards AJ allowing them to hit loucky 3 pointers to close up the gap and finally overtake in terms of the score.

1 more match to go before deciding the fate of the girls. I have faith that they would go all on and play as though their life depended on it. So don't give up and work much much harder!

You cannot dream yourself a character, you must hammer and forge yourself one.

Congratulations to the girls for winning their first basketball match. Started out not very well but managed to find back their composure to triumph over SAJC. The team work and basketball atmosphere was rather great with the girls cheering and shouting every now and then to motivate them. Today will be a rather decisive match as a win will put them through to the second round. Hmm, saw AJC girls practise last monday when i took the bus but alighted at the wrong stop on my way home. Their lay-ups and agility was pretty good. Their girls were also much bigger size than the NJ girls. But NJ basketball will never give up, not even in the last minute! Will be awaiting good news from them!

Anyway extracted my wisdom tooth yesterday and the dentist gave me a 6 days MC. Played a little basketball but didn't really played to my max since my wound hurt when i exerted strength. I think i lost about 1 kg of blood yesterday judging from the amount of blood oozing out from my mouth. Rather painless but fearful operation for the wisdom tooth. The razor blades and 7 injections on my gum made me realised how much i feared the dentist when I was a child. Will be going back next thursday to remove the stitches on my gum. Hopefully there will not be any infection or whatsoever permanent numbness to my gums.

Will be looking forward to the next french lessons so that I can hone my 3rd language but my speech may nt be very audible for now. 6 more weeks to the end of the intensive french lessons. Lessons are fun, I think i will continue learning french after those intensive french lessons althouhg french grammar gives me a headache! All the masculine and feminine terms!

Life's great! ( for now)