I've been pondering through for some while about why I wish to take up medicine in university. Some people questioned that motive of mine because to be one, a person has to spend 5 years burying their heads in the midst of endless piles of books, facts and datas. After graduation, they would have to serve another 6 years of bond before they can really make it big in life. By that time, your fellow schoolmates would probably be some of a reputable status in life.

To be able to turn a person's life around through proper medication and procedures carried out by doctors, it really is a huge sacrifice and burden to carry upon their shoulders. Furthermore, your social life with your circle of friends and even close buddies or your family will be compromised since your biological clock will be tampered with by the endless rounds you have to make in the hospitals. What could be worse than not being able to see your loved ones.

Despite all these, my motivations of being one seems to shine brighter amidst all the negativity of this world. Parents objecting to my application to medical school, friends discouraging my intention to apply with the mere reason that my grades were not up to mark, not being able to afford the exorbitant fees of medical school especially those of overseas if I were to pay for my own education.

I'm born with a congential heart disease. A condition doctors termed as "Tetralogy of Fallot," or in short "a hole in the heart." I consider myself to be lucky in order to survive the ordeals of going under the knife. As an infant, I was frail and "unhealthy" since I had to undergo operations after operations, injections after injections, leaving painful marks of scars on my body. Countless tears were shed by me and for me, thinking that I would probably perish even before I would go through the major operation that changed my entire life forever. Frankly speaking, I was considered lucky since there was a child who was suffering the same ailment as me in the opposite ward. God chose to take away the child's life instead of mine for whatever reason which I'm not supposed to know back then. However, after this 19 years of my life, undergoing trials and tribulations , physical and emotional setbacks, elation and sorrow, I have realised why I existed or rather why God allowed me to stay on planet Earth. To be a channel of blessing to others since I myself have been blessed.

Against all odds, I have managed to build a body that is fit and healthy, at least fitter than the majority of the National servicemen. I'm able to run a full marathon, play an entire game of basketball, lift heavy weights or engage in any other intensive activity, and remain as a whole piece. So I would like to thank the Lord for that.

I know that even gaining admission into the medical faculty is not easy. But it is against my nature to give up without trying. Because if I have tired and failed, I would have no regrets. If I do not try, it would probably be something that I would look back and regret for the rest of my life. To be able to save lives and to impact others is my life's mission. The journey is not going to be easy but as the going gets tough, the tough gets going. If I too being weak knows how to dream big and overcome all odds, I believe that nothing is too impossible for you as well.

Philippians 3:13-14
Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.

True love requires sacrifice. If you like a person really much, you would spend all your fortune just to win her heart. In the same way, if you really love God, you will give all that you can just to be in His presence and let His glory manifest. God is challenging me today to give and sacrifice because when I do so, He will open the floodgates of heaven and pour down so much blessings till it overflows. A common fallacy among man is that when God gives them a little vision or financial blessings, they hold on to it so tight as though they are afraid that God cannot do another miracle.

Today I wanna believe in God in my area of finances, I rather remain poor the rest of my life than to be called an unfaithful servant by Him. But I know that God will never let me remain poor, because when anyone is in Him, He is a new creation, the old has gone and the new has come! No more old vision, no more old dreams, no more goals, no more old wineskin, everything has to be new, and big and greater because our God is not a small God. He is a God who is able to do exceedingly and abundantly more than what we can ask for. I thank you in advance for your promises. Amen!

When God gives us a vision to go, although there may be storms and resistance, His plan will still be fulfilled. In this negative world that we live in, dream-killers often discourage or try to destroy the hopes of those who are daring enough to try. But the Lord says, "Be strong and courageous, put on the armour of God and wield the mighty sword and I will fight with you." Things seem difficult to us because we do not have the ability to achieve it, but with faith, God will make it come to pass. If an old man like Caleb can even slay giants, why can't a fine young man like myself be a conqueror?

Everyone has to deal with failures in one way or another. I'm no exception too. I guess today's really not my day to get it. There's no use mulling over spilled milk because what's done cannot be undone. Despite all my prayers and hard work, it didn't seem to pay off. Sometimes I do feel that I'm like the Job of Singapore, being made to undergo hardships, trials and temptations.

However big the failure may seem to me, I know that God made it happened to humble me so that I can rely on Him more and more. I feel devastated inside but outwardly it is not me to express it out. It's becoming increasingly difficult to bottle out the maelstrom of feelings because if it is released, it would cause disastrous effects on others and impose seemingly far greater negative externality than originally intended. James says in the bible, " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”- James 1:2-3 I know that somehow I can last through this failure, I will not let this past failure dictate my performance in future. After all, life can be a sweet dream or a horrible nightmare.

I know that I'm not a perfect person, neither are you, so please do not judge me. My words may be blunt but I mean no harm, it is just me. I know it's bad, but trust me, I'm trying as hard as I can. After all, which transformation takes place overnight?

Trying to integrate and fit in is not easy especially when everyone's background is vastly dissimilar. But I will make it a point to try, even if it means carrying my cross and denying myself.

Humans cannot be created to be devoid of feelings because feelings are what made us human in the first place. However, by gaining mastery of our emotions, we will be able to dispel all thoughts of being a failure. As what Thomas Edison said, I have not failed, I only found a thousand ways that does not work. If he can go through thousands of failures, why can't I go through just one?

Leadership - Not Laws but Liberty
Serving - Not Hierarchy but Heart
Ability - Not self-centred but Spirit- centered
Discipline - Not Legalism but Love
Creativity - Not Fear but Faith
Love - Not Control but Care
Work - Not Duty but Devotion
Attitude - Not getting but giving
Lifestyle - Not Explanation but Example

Results : Not Bondage but Breakthrough!

Chingay Orientation is great today! Was initially nervous about leading a group of people that I barely know coupled with the fact that I'm still learning how to be a leader. Apart from the last minute absentees and drop outs, the attendance for today seems fairly good when compared to other groups in area 1. The icebreaking games and station games are more or less similar to the ones we went through previously except for probably a change in some rules. I enjoyed the company of my group members much to the chagrin of other group leaders who apparently had some members who are rather defiant. Nevertheless, I can declare that today's sessions was pretty smooth sailing. I would also like to thank my deputy leaders for helping out in bonding the group. A group is as good as its weakest link. Therefore, everyone plays an indispensable role in this upcoming Chingay. I guess my goal for this Chingay is to lead the people to believe that the have the ability to do things that they previously thought was impossible. I believe that when I learn to trust in my Lord in these small areas, He will definitely entrust me with greater roles in future.

Looking forward to church service tomorrow. Been a rather tiring week. Another week of torment to go, but hardships make me rely on Him more. Traffic police test and oral presentation. Will definitely take a toil on me. But every week I will be stronger than the previous week because I know that my faith is increasing. If my God says that I'm strong, who can disprove it?

I willl trust in the Lord with all my heart, soul, mind and strength. I know that I can make it to Medical school no matter how impossible it may sound.

Whoever who sows sparingly will reap sparingly, but whoever sows abundantly will reap abundantly. I know that my sacrifices now will not be in vain. Because there is a meaning behind all these things that I'm doing. I may start small, but I will finish strong.

When God gives you a vision, he will give you provision to see you through as well.

1 Corinthians 13
on Love

1If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. 2If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. 3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

8Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. 9For we know in part and we prophesy in part, 10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. 11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. 12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

"If there's a hole in your heart and it is not filled with the Holy Spirit, then all other kinds of evil spirit will try to enter it and gain a manipulative control over your heart. " Therefore, we must resist the devil and he will flee from you.

I'm really tired from doing everything that I'm doing right now, putting on false fronts, pretending to be satisfied when I'm not, encouraging everyone around me when I myself am discouraged. But I know that my flesh is weak but my soul is willing to do. I need to pray more so that my faith level will elevate. I have to stop thinking that I can't, because God speaks of things that has not come to pass as though it has already taken place. I do not have to worry about my future and criticism that put me down because I have found my strength in you. My God is my stronghold and my salvation, whom shall I fear!

I will not walk today's journey with yesterday's faith because everyday is a new beginning for me and a step closer to you. I know that everyday you will give me new faith to continue believing that my dreams are attainable.

Cycling at ECP is actually quite fun. Exploring new routes and places is something that brightens my somewhat mundane lifestyle. The feeling of the breeze on the body is a thoroughly relaxing sensation. It offers a temporary outlet for stress to be channelled away. However, all good things eventually come to an end. It's time to fall back into earth and relive this life of mine. Because I believe that with my pair of hands and legs, I'm able to carve out a bright future ahead. But I can't do it alone. Help me to depend and rely more and more of you and less of me.

It's the first day of the new year and I'm feeling the tension already. I feel that I'm being tested in many ways in a mere one day. I know I can rise up to the occasion. But somehow the spirit is willing but the body is weak. I know I gotta summon the courage to pray, to face you and hold my life accountable to you. Matters that I have previously overcomed seems to be flooding back into my life. I feel like a failure in many ways but I know that you gave me weaknesses to humble me. I might not be able to fully comprehend what plans you have installed for me, but wherever you tell me to go, I will go.

2 Corinthians 12:8 "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weaknesses" Therefore I wil boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.