Signed up for Adv Dipl in mass comm at MDIS yesterday! Hopefully can hone my speaking and writing skills at the end of it. Played a little intensive bball in school as usual. Kneecap abit injured after that but who cares. Got accepted into some random NTU course that i put for fun. Oh well, gotta put my choices wisefully next year alr. haha

Went to empire state to eat their teriyaki burger with my long time that i had not seen in eons friend. The burger ain't really teriyaki cos it is beef instead of chicken. Oh well, consider myself unlucky then. Random catching ups like this really spices up my life since i'll normally have dinner alone outside after work. Makes me appreciate the people ard me even more. Going to sign up for my advanced diploma course tmrw early in the morning. Its time to stop slacking ard and get down to serious business.

Friends are everywhere, but good friends are like a needle in a haystack.

It's time for me to find my purpose in life.

When to school early in the morning to study my french today. People question me why i rather go to school than to stay at home. Somehow school feels more like home to me. Meeting frens, catching up and playing bball matches is a staple for me. It's something that being in NS has deprived me of. It's good to be granted freedom occasionally. The feeling is like an eagle being held captive in a miniature cage and somehow chanced upon the key to opening the cage. And out flew the eagle. Away from its captors. I do not mind even being alone in the grandstand looking at people having PE, watching the leaves rustling, hearing the sound of people enjoying their freedom or in the worst case watching every rain drop on the ground and praying to see a rainbow after the rain. The rainbow gives me a sense of self assurance because it is a covenant from God to me that every trial has its ending and that mine will be coming soon.

Those who hope in the Lord will soar on wings like eagle

The NJ bball girls totally rocked today la. Thrashed TPJC 54-39. They fought and sweat hard for such results. An extremely laudable performance indeed. Very inspiring! They taught me that basketball is not just an individual sport but a team game. Stellar results cannot be obtained through a solo effort but through the integration of all your team members. Moreover, they taught me that weaknesses are there to humble a person so that we will always work hard to eradicate our weaknesses while in the midst of improving our strength. Really really proud of them. Made me love the game of basketball even more.

It is difficult to put my mind off from it, but basketball allows me to.

Read an entire book at Times bookshop all by myself within a short hour while waiting for my CG members to end the CG. Had lunch at Aston's with them. Ordered the crispy chicken set and it was like 1 of the best chicken i've ever eaten considering that it is only $6.50 although the wait to enter the restaurant took 45 minutes or so. Decided to catch a movie Friday the 13th. Quite a violent movie with lots of nudity as well. Should be R21 instead of M18 la. Haha. Decided to try out the new shooting game at the arcade after that. Was cheated of my money because I suck terribly at the new game. Made a random major decision after thinking through some stuffs.

Anyway good luck to the NJ basketball girls for their match tmrw! Will be there to support physically and verbally!

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways" Isaiah 55:8

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4.

A journey of trials that I do not exactly comprehend at times but I wanna possess that faith to believe in the things unseen.

The girls played very well today although they lost the match. Hustling and diving for every loose balls, boxing out most of the time, being unselfish in the court by providing assistance. That is the true spirit of basketball manifested through the NJ girls. From a spectator's point of view, NJ girl were obviously the stronger and better team. However, lady luck chose to desert them at the crucial moment and the tide was favoured towards AJ allowing them to hit loucky 3 pointers to close up the gap and finally overtake in terms of the score.

1 more match to go before deciding the fate of the girls. I have faith that they would go all on and play as though their life depended on it. So don't give up and work much much harder!

You cannot dream yourself a character, you must hammer and forge yourself one.

Congratulations to the girls for winning their first basketball match. Started out not very well but managed to find back their composure to triumph over SAJC. The team work and basketball atmosphere was rather great with the girls cheering and shouting every now and then to motivate them. Today will be a rather decisive match as a win will put them through to the second round. Hmm, saw AJC girls practise last monday when i took the bus but alighted at the wrong stop on my way home. Their lay-ups and agility was pretty good. Their girls were also much bigger size than the NJ girls. But NJ basketball will never give up, not even in the last minute! Will be awaiting good news from them!

Anyway extracted my wisdom tooth yesterday and the dentist gave me a 6 days MC. Played a little basketball but didn't really played to my max since my wound hurt when i exerted strength. I think i lost about 1 kg of blood yesterday judging from the amount of blood oozing out from my mouth. Rather painless but fearful operation for the wisdom tooth. The razor blades and 7 injections on my gum made me realised how much i feared the dentist when I was a child. Will be going back next thursday to remove the stitches on my gum. Hopefully there will not be any infection or whatsoever permanent numbness to my gums.

Will be looking forward to the next french lessons so that I can hone my 3rd language but my speech may nt be very audible for now. 6 more weeks to the end of the intensive french lessons. Lessons are fun, I think i will continue learning french after those intensive french lessons althouhg french grammar gives me a headache! All the masculine and feminine terms!

Life's great! ( for now)

Sometimes happiness is just right in front of you. It may seem invisible but in fact it is just that you not trying hard enough to fight for it.


It's time for me to move on.

Shave away my sideburns today in case i get confined by some WO who thinks he is damn big shot. Anyway discovered a new bball indoor court at bishan there. Quite a nice spot to train! So peeps get ready to be called by me for games soon!

Are you ready to step up to the challenge?

Just came back from dinner at Hans with the basketballers. The food there hasn't exactly as legendary as what pple feedbacked to me previously but a hungry kian eats any type of food (except veg). haha. Quite a good bonding type, sitting down, eating and talking as if there wasn't any yesterday today or tmrw. However, reality sinks in everytime such an interaction session ends.

Watched the girl's match at Home U. They did not play up to their standard i would say. Was it the lack of fundamentals training or was it just not their day to perform. Felt a burning sense of unjust while watching it, felt that they could have done like much better as long as their help defence, communication, boxing out, penetration etc are present for the full length of the match. Dunking furiously at the lower board and gyming without realising my body limits helped to soothe that sense of unjust.

4 more days left to their nationals, I really hope everyone will put in their utmost effort in training so that we can salvage NJ's basketball pride. That we can wear basketball team NJ shirts with pride. That everyone who sees NJC basketball team will tremble with fear because they will know that we are a formidable team that doesn't give up, even during the last few seconds of the match. Jia you pple! It's your turn to shine!

Do what you can to make practise hard, so that the game will be easy.

Take it to the next level

Sometimes in life, we don't need many achievements, we just need someone there to hold our hands and be with us.

The only person who can defeat me is myself.

He who lives in me is greater than he who lives in this world

Went back to school to play abit of bball tdy. Face got sunburnt again. Think tdy nt many pple ard. Plus marilyn sprained a leg while playing with us, so the atmosphere was abit tensed tdy. Hopefully she will be fine by next week. Will support the NJ girls team no matter win or lose. Watched abit of their training tdy. It kinda made me miss training with the basketball team. I think the girls team are more united and bonded plus they celebrate each other's birthday. haha. They celebrated wantian's birthday today after training. Looks quite interesting from afar. Yeah Happy Birthday!

Playing basketball today kinda made me think too. The question what is basketball to me kept ringing in my head today. As i thought through carefully, basketball isn't just a sport to me or just any other alternative outlet for me to keep fit or lose weight although those are somehow important as well. Basketball is intricately linked to my heart. Without basketball, I would not be able to know some many frens in the neighbouring court, pple whom i play randomly with at the NJ basketball court as well as some other pple who brought joy to me. Days without basketball seemed mundane and lifeless. That is y i would occasionally take a one day break each week to go back to school for basketball games as well as catching up with my juniors and bonding through sparring in matches.

Basketball is a lifelong process. It can either make or break u. Due to the rough nature of playing basketball, many pple have fallen short of their target and chose the easier path out which is to give up. Despite all my shortcomings in the game of basketball, my determination to carry on this torch never waiver with time. A quote from the movie coach carter goes " Our greatest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyong measure." Indeed basketball helps to unleash my latent potential as well. Through basketball, i discovered more and more about myself as well as the nature of people ard me. Therefore, basketball isn't just a game. It reveals my heart. I'm pretty sure ardent basketball fans will bear the same thoughts as well. Long live basketball!

Today is an extremely sian day at work. Lots of pple not at work today so in the end i ended up having a date with mitch albiom's for one more day. It's quite a touching book about how a person reminisced about his past. His endearing mum and his family's separation somehow triggered some tears in me but i held it back. At the brink of death, a person would think about his past and bear lots of regrets about his past. Mitch Albiom is indeed a very skilled and learned writer who knows how to evoke the emotions of his readers.

Anyway my phone threw a tantrum after my 11km run around bishan park today. It refuses to register any signal rendering all calls dialled to my number impossible. Asked like a thousand and one people on msn but there seems to be no one with a spare phone, either than or they live too far from my house and it's too late to make a trip over to their house. Technology has indeed enslaved me. In this modern society, handphones are becoming more and more indispensable in one's life. Even a primary one girl that i saw on the bus to work everyday has a phone. It kinda makes me jealous since i got my first phone at the age of 14. The standard of living has indeed improved in terms of the level of technology.

Going back to school tmrw to maybe witness the speech day and probably play some basketball. Trips like this make me look forward to weekdays. However, if i have to work from monday to friday without a break I would feel very listless and grouchy. Indeed all and no play makes jack a dull. So will it make Kian a dull boy. If only my base was a little nearer to school i would have made many trips back to school after work to engage in a little sports to keep myself fit. My BMI is getting out of hand. Went to Changi General Hospital to take my BMI then they registered me as overweight. Some people commented that it is muscle mass. But who knows. Gotta start losing some weight le. The spirit is willing but the flesh is weak. Oh well, shall let nature take its course then.

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. Are you willing to take that first step?

By tmrw almost everyone that i know will be entering army. I'm partially happy for them because days without education or doing anything productive makes one just feel like idling ard and spending money without limits. Then again, army life isn't exactly productive again. The skills learnt may not be applicable in reality. Oh well, better stop talking about army life in case it sets me into the random thinking mode again which in turn spawns millions of negative feelings in me.

By the way, I have been thinking of going overseas to escape the realities in Singapore. A scenic place where new memories can be forged, where food found in abundance and a relatively cold weather compared to Singapore. Taiwan and Japan seems to be within my budget range. However, feel like going to france as well so that my knowledge of french does not come to a waste. Anyone interested to come along can tag me! Until then, shall endure everything about Singapore.

Easter!

Church service was great today. Saw a video about a man having extra-marital affairs. With the assistance of God, he managed to reconcile with his wife and establish a happy family once again.Today's sermon was about forgiveness. Gandhi once mentioned" The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attitude of the strong. " Yeah, it's so true. The book of Luke tells us about the two criminals being crucified with Jesus. One of the criminal hurled insults at Jesus while the other told jesus to forgive him. It shows that we can have 2 different attitudes when we are angry, upset or disappointed. We can either think the best out of the situation and forgive the person or we can bear grudges and let the anger dwell in us. However, Jesus set the best example for us by forgiving people who criticized him, tortured him and collaborated to kill him. He died so that we can live, and live life to its fullest. Every action of Jesus on earth has a deep meaning behind it because it conveys to us the way we should live in order to get the most out of life. Thank you Jesus for dying for our sake, overcome death and resurrected on the third day. That is the true meaning of Easter.

Anyway ate Manhattan's Fish Market with jonathan at Junction 8 today after being indecisive, walking 4 rounds ard the entire junction 8. Haha. The fish and chips is very filling and quite nice plus the serving is very big. However, i think fish and co's fish is slightly better althought it is more pricey. Into the taking photo mood so decided to post a few pictures here. Decided not to show the photo of jonathan wasting food haha. Joked with him about the starving children in africa but he was unfazed by the thought of it and decided to give up eating the remnants of the food left. Catching up with jonathan feels quite good, been a long time since we just sat down talk and joke. haha. Discussed about our own set of problems as well. Guess life ain't easy for us after all. But well, since Jesus is an overcomer of life. We too are given the same strength to overcome these set of problems as well. Shall thank Him in advance first.

I can do all thing through Christ who strengthens me.

Think this week will be the last time everyone gather together to play basketball during weekdays. Quite sad because there will be few pple to accompany me to play and go back to school and just chill. The life of an 18 year old male is very predictable. Army makes one lose their freedom, their hair, their IQ, their social life ( friends are disappearing from my life), their dignity (being enslaved in the bases and being bossed ard by superiors with minimal or perhaps zero chance of rejecting the task) and lastly for some, their girlfriends.

It isn't exactly unfair to say that serving the army is unfruitful. I have obtained many attributes from it in a mere 4 months plus. Realised the hardship behind the harsh working society and the regimental heriachial system. A leader has to earn people's respect and not force them to respect u. Ranks doesn't tell u anything about a person's character. It is the way u treat pple of lower rank than u that tells us what kind of person he/she is. Really envy pple who are still schooling in NJ. It's just like many pple would say, we rather retain 2 years in JC than to serve 2 years in army. But well, it's an honour to serve the country with our youth. Hopefully it will really make a difference for me.

Being the youngest in my base, i will ORD almost the latest as well. 14th December 2010 will be the day I'm looking forward too. Time flies now. Soon 2009 will come to a closure and we will set new dreams, relish new hopes, meet new faces and establish new relationships.The questions that lingers in me now is that is there more to life than being stucked into this endless endeavours? However, I think that I wanna make a difference in other pple's life. I do not want to be remembered as a nobody or even being forgotten by pple. I wanna be remembered as a person who has impacted their life.

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.

Ate curry wok with the soon-to-be NSF basketballers. Discovered that actually kang kong is not bad a vegetable, just that it's too spicy for my liking. I'm not exactly a person who likes vegetable so don't be surprised when all you see is meat on my plate! Played basketball tdy again. I think pple in sch probably see me until sianx alr. But tdy's an official half-day for me plus I have nothing on in my agenda most of the time so playing basketball is always the only route that i will take. I think my basketball skills are turning from bad to worse. I actually hate myself for playing lousily on the court because pple thinks i'm the liability in the team. Sick of hearing sarcastic remarks about my skills, that my shooting sucks and that my defence sucks because i'm really putting in effort to improve. So whoever that person is, please don't mock me behind my back or give my nicknames. If you don't like me, just tell it straight to my face!

Anyway watch fast and furious 4 as well today. Quite a good movie filled with action and stunts that a normal person cannot accomplish. Makes me feel like learning driving soon so that i can drive a car. Shall make this 2 years worthwhile.

Congrats to Jason and Tai Wan for being the new Captain and vice-captain respectively. Hope both of you can steer NJ basketball to greater heights. 2 more weeks to the girls' nationals. Really excited to watch their match. To prove that their labour toiled were not in vain. Jia you people!

It's really difficult to forget someone, but when u know u have to do it, u have to.

Went to gym during lunch for the first time. Did a 2.4km run in ard 9.30 plus minus minutes. A rather remarkable feat for someone who lost touched with his running finesse. Became a photographer for the first time in a unit event for the regulars. Being in the Navy Medical Service department has good returns as cohesion events like these are frequent. With the free food and the post dinner karaoke, it helps to really unwind oneself. Not that i sang any song though. Listening to the regulars sing oldies song is really interesting. Was almost coerced into singing, but lucky me i don't have to reveal the side of me that will make pple shun me. haha. Tomorrow will be another basketball day since theres an official half day at work. Looking forward to a good and proper basketball game. Please don't let it rain. Anyway God is really good in my life. Being optimistic makes you enjoy every moment of life! Shall post pictures of my own camwhoring as a photographer next time. :)

If life gives you lemon, make lemonade!

The weather is so unpredictable these few days, it's like sunny at one instance and rainy at the other instance. Been making frequents trips back to school, somehow school trips made me happier since i'm able to meet familiar friends and also to play basketball. NJ is like a place of memories for me, a sense of belonging and attachment that is somewhat inexplicable. It's like a place that I won't get tired of.

Anyway 2 more weeks and i will be extracting my wisdom tooth, will be able to get 1 week's MC. Maybe can go and support the NJ's girls basketball match at SBC. But will be quite sianx cos most of the bball pple would have entered army by then. Finding company for basketball games will be a daunting task. But nevertheless my passion for the game will not diminish. :)

Made several changes to myself such as sporting a new haircut. Decided to be a changed person, it's no point pondering over spilled milk and blaming myself for all the past, therefore shall be more optimistic. Being optimistic is really a brilliant choice, it makes u think positively about everything and be contented with what u have already. It made me appreciate God more, life more and the people ard me more. "A strong positive mental attitude will create more miracles than any wonder drug. " Yeah, it's so true. For those entering army, treat it as an opportunity to bloom into a better character and hone your leadership and mangement attitude and try not to pick up the vulgarities inside! For those still mugging for A levels, it may be mentally and physically draining but when it's over u will look back and see how much u have grown from it and smile to urself! And all the best for those who are having nationals soon especially the basketball girls. Time to show others what substance NJ peeps are made of!

Jeremiah 29: 11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Happy 19th Birthday Benny! Held a somewhat mini celebration at an ice cream place. A year older means that u have to play less LAN and do more productive work!

Bball today was quite fun despite the poor turnout. As usual everyone is not punctual. :( Haha. Played free-throw game and 3 vs 2 matches. Quite a refreshing way to start a day. The last photo with the basketballers who are entering army soon. Say bye to their hair :)

The greatest gift that God gave to us is the ability to establish relationships.

Feels as though i'm rotting at home. But everything that is taking place actually has a meaning behind it. Managed to rummage through my home and found a bible. Seems like eons when i last touched a bible. My pastor always managed that the bible is just like our spiritual bread, that Man shall not live by bread alone ( physical bread in this case) but by every word from the mouth of God. I feel so spritually malnourished that even a short verse can bring great relevations to me.

The message came at a timely moment. From 1 Corinthians 1: 27-28, it says " But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things and the things that are not to nullify the things that are. " I wonder if this sort of applies to me. As i slowly think through my life, I realised that it is really not my own works that made me who I am but rather the works of God.

I thought my life used to be perfect. A household of 5, 6 if u were to include my maid, parents with a stable income, living in a rather comfortable place with a roof over my head. Parents would bring my sister and I on occasional trips overseas so that we can escape the intolerable weather in Singapore and at the same time have a taste of what life outside Singapore would be. I would remark then that money wasn't an issue to me.

However, one fateful day, a turning point struck in my life as a brain haemorrhage seized my mum away from us. I cried as any normal person would. I was very close to my mum. A relationship that I can't seem to duplicate anywhere else. I would still remember that wednesday would always be a day that i looked forward to because my mum would take that day off to bring me out after school. We had our first popcorn chicken together, we walked and shared our day in school/work together. At meals, she would take the vegetables away from my plate and eat it for me because she knows that i detest vegetables alot. This plague came so suddenly that I didn't know what to do. What does a primary five year old boy know about death? The only thing I hoped back then was that I take a long nap and wake up with my mum next to me. That didn't came. Wednesday, a day of liberation and recreation became a day that i dread terribly. Spent countless of days reminiscing the past, envying people with a complete family, watching the mother of my friends accompanying them as they received their primary school graduation certificate while gazing at my left and right. There was no one.

Of course this incident took a toil on me, I did terribly for my PSLE and was streamed into a neighbourhood school which i oblige to name. As usual i did badly for secondary 1 results although i made friends with people whom I still keep in contact with till now. Another changing point in my life came when I was brought to Hope Church as somerset. Dragged there actually because i did not have anything on that saturday. Listened to the music, heard the message and thought that since christianity would change me for the better, no harm trying. This was then a life changing moment for me. I decided to buck up in my studies so that my mum would smile from above and say well done boy. Got into the best class of my school, contending to be the top student in there. I would say that being a christian isn't really living a life that is a bed of roses. But it indeed transformed my life from a crude person who muttered a string of expletives as though it was produced by a machine gun to a more civilised and thoughtful young person.

Valued added myself when i scored beyong expectations for O levels, although my results weren't exactly very desirable. Managed to appeal into NJC and get back into basketball when i made a pact with God that if He were to let me re-enter back NJ, i would place him as the priority spot in my life. A pact that I didn't really keep. And during the A levels period, felt as though i'm drifting away and away from God. To the wholesome and fruitful life that He has promised to those who walk in his ways.

Getting back the A levels result, and it wasn't very good as well. But still in a position to contend with better courses with better students. I know my life sucks big time now and i feel like a terrible loser. But my God is faithful and just and he places all these experiences in my life so that I can be moulded into the kind of person I was created to be. Mark 8:34 says " If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. " Yes, please crucify the old me and give me a brand new life. Give me a clean slate. I do not just want to live a life that is meaningless, walking around with a goal in mind, living for the sake of living. I want to live a life with purpose that can only be found in you.


No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him
1 Corinthians 2:9

It sucks to be the lousiest in everything that I do.








Your light will shine when all else fails

NJ thrashed AC basketball 61-28. It's amazing to see how they played today. It's indeed like magic. Basketballers compose moves to express themselves. Mr Sham once said that if anyone have as much passion as him for basketball then NJ will win the A division championship. Yeah, it's true.

Playing basketball is fueled by passion. Sometimes we let our desire to win cloud our judgement so much that we forget why we even started playing this game. Playing basketball is not all about winning, it is about enjoying ourselves. It's a kind of enjoyment that people who doesn't play that will not fathom. Sometimes we have to set targets for basketball as well. Although people may think i'm short or inexperienced, it doesn't really bother me much. Because one day i'm going to prove to them that i will be somebody in the world of basketball.

We can only learn to love by loving.

Coughed blood ytd then went to camp to see Medical Officer, referred me to Changi General Hosital. Suspected bronchitis. Luckily it's not, waited 3 plus hours for the entire procedure and got a 2 days MC to recuperate at home.

Feels like i'm getting weaker and weaker day by day. Things that i used to find it easy like pull ups, sprinting, walking long distance seem to be taking a toil on me. Sometimes you just feel like dying so that u will be relieved of all this kinda burden. Physical torment and emotional turmoiled when coupled together pose as a rather formidable opponent. Some things can never be forgotten because memories last for a lifetime. But i will display perseverance and emerge victor in this realm because nothing is in fact impossible. When you put your heart and soul into something, you will get it. I'm pretty sure of that. Love life and life will love you back. Love people and people will love you back.

For everything there is a season,
And a time for every matter under heaven:
A time to be born, and a time to die;
A time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted;
A time to kill, and a time to heal;
A time to break down, and a time to build up;
A time to weep, and a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, and a time to dance;
A time to throw away stones, and a time to gather stones together;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to seek, and a time to lose;
A time to keep, and a time to throw away;
A time to tear, and a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, and a time to speak;
A time to love, and a time to hate,
A time for war, and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack.
If you don't have it, no matter what else there is, it's not enough.

Tell me why
You're so hard to forget
Don't remind me
I'm not over it
Tell me why
I can't seem to face the truth
And I really don't know what to do


I'm just a little too not over you