Feels as though i'm rotting at home. But everything that is taking place actually has a meaning behind it. Managed to rummage through my home and found a bible. Seems like eons when i last touched a bible. My pastor always managed that the bible is just like our spiritual bread, that Man shall not live by bread alone ( physical bread in this case) but by every word from the mouth of God. I feel so spritually malnourished that even a short verse can bring great relevations to me.

The message came at a timely moment. From 1 Corinthians 1: 27-28, it says " But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things and the things that are not to nullify the things that are. " I wonder if this sort of applies to me. As i slowly think through my life, I realised that it is really not my own works that made me who I am but rather the works of God.

I thought my life used to be perfect. A household of 5, 6 if u were to include my maid, parents with a stable income, living in a rather comfortable place with a roof over my head. Parents would bring my sister and I on occasional trips overseas so that we can escape the intolerable weather in Singapore and at the same time have a taste of what life outside Singapore would be. I would remark then that money wasn't an issue to me.

However, one fateful day, a turning point struck in my life as a brain haemorrhage seized my mum away from us. I cried as any normal person would. I was very close to my mum. A relationship that I can't seem to duplicate anywhere else. I would still remember that wednesday would always be a day that i looked forward to because my mum would take that day off to bring me out after school. We had our first popcorn chicken together, we walked and shared our day in school/work together. At meals, she would take the vegetables away from my plate and eat it for me because she knows that i detest vegetables alot. This plague came so suddenly that I didn't know what to do. What does a primary five year old boy know about death? The only thing I hoped back then was that I take a long nap and wake up with my mum next to me. That didn't came. Wednesday, a day of liberation and recreation became a day that i dread terribly. Spent countless of days reminiscing the past, envying people with a complete family, watching the mother of my friends accompanying them as they received their primary school graduation certificate while gazing at my left and right. There was no one.

Of course this incident took a toil on me, I did terribly for my PSLE and was streamed into a neighbourhood school which i oblige to name. As usual i did badly for secondary 1 results although i made friends with people whom I still keep in contact with till now. Another changing point in my life came when I was brought to Hope Church as somerset. Dragged there actually because i did not have anything on that saturday. Listened to the music, heard the message and thought that since christianity would change me for the better, no harm trying. This was then a life changing moment for me. I decided to buck up in my studies so that my mum would smile from above and say well done boy. Got into the best class of my school, contending to be the top student in there. I would say that being a christian isn't really living a life that is a bed of roses. But it indeed transformed my life from a crude person who muttered a string of expletives as though it was produced by a machine gun to a more civilised and thoughtful young person.

Valued added myself when i scored beyong expectations for O levels, although my results weren't exactly very desirable. Managed to appeal into NJC and get back into basketball when i made a pact with God that if He were to let me re-enter back NJ, i would place him as the priority spot in my life. A pact that I didn't really keep. And during the A levels period, felt as though i'm drifting away and away from God. To the wholesome and fruitful life that He has promised to those who walk in his ways.

Getting back the A levels result, and it wasn't very good as well. But still in a position to contend with better courses with better students. I know my life sucks big time now and i feel like a terrible loser. But my God is faithful and just and he places all these experiences in my life so that I can be moulded into the kind of person I was created to be. Mark 8:34 says " If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. " Yes, please crucify the old me and give me a brand new life. Give me a clean slate. I do not just want to live a life that is meaningless, walking around with a goal in mind, living for the sake of living. I want to live a life with purpose that can only be found in you.


No eye has seen,
no ear has heard,
no mind has conceived
what God has prepared for those who love him
1 Corinthians 2:9