Everyone has to deal with failures in one way or another. I'm no exception too. I guess today's really not my day to get it. There's no use mulling over spilled milk because what's done cannot be undone. Despite all my prayers and hard work, it didn't seem to pay off. Sometimes I do feel that I'm like the Job of Singapore, being made to undergo hardships, trials and temptations.

However big the failure may seem to me, I know that God made it happened to humble me so that I can rely on Him more and more. I feel devastated inside but outwardly it is not me to express it out. It's becoming increasingly difficult to bottle out the maelstrom of feelings because if it is released, it would cause disastrous effects on others and impose seemingly far greater negative externality than originally intended. James says in the bible, " Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.”- James 1:2-3 I know that somehow I can last through this failure, I will not let this past failure dictate my performance in future. After all, life can be a sweet dream or a horrible nightmare.

I know that I'm not a perfect person, neither are you, so please do not judge me. My words may be blunt but I mean no harm, it is just me. I know it's bad, but trust me, I'm trying as hard as I can. After all, which transformation takes place overnight?

Trying to integrate and fit in is not easy especially when everyone's background is vastly dissimilar. But I will make it a point to try, even if it means carrying my cross and denying myself.

Humans cannot be created to be devoid of feelings because feelings are what made us human in the first place. However, by gaining mastery of our emotions, we will be able to dispel all thoughts of being a failure. As what Thomas Edison said, I have not failed, I only found a thousand ways that does not work. If he can go through thousands of failures, why can't I go through just one?