Memories..

As i was peering through the stockpile of photos in the container box, a surge of nostalgia hit me like a tsunami. The figures shown in the photo seem to be animated and replaying what took place during that certain event in which the photo was taken.

Out of all the photos, 1 of them remain visibly etched in my mind like a virus refusing to leave its host cell. It was a photo of my dad and mum carrying me as i lurged forward to blow off the flames from the candles on my birthday cake. My jubilance and their cloud nine mood seem to have illuminated the somewhat dark lightings shown in the photo. That day was 17th October 1993 which happened to be my 3 year old birthday. Approximately 17 years have passed since that photo was taken. The myriad of events that has taken place throughout this seemingly short 17 years can be compiled into a giant encyclopedia with pages numbering to millions. The thing that struck me was that the older we grow, the more we know and the more we have to think and rationalize and concoct solutions to the problems faced in that particular time and date. If we enforce our obsolete ideals onto the current and everchanging situation, it will create an impasse in our relationship with others. In that picture, my dad was clearly manifesting a curvaceous smile. It was not a fictitious one, but one that is genuine and heartwarming. The feeling of seeing his only son being able to advance through his tender young age despite his existing medical condition.

17 years later, the whips lashed out by the cruelties of life seem to have snatched that smile away from him and from all of our faces. How is it possible that in this short time frame, so many things happened and so many ties and relationships are being strained and tested in this furnace that knows no boundaries.

They claim that blood is thicker than water. But who are we to judge if one favours the water over the blood? Night school, tuition jobs, random hang-outs with friends, cell group, church, recreational activities, long-distance jogging,gyming, all these things seems adequate. Yet the entire puzzle to a fulfiling life could not be solved with a missing jigsaw puzzle. The element of a good family life should be there. But my paranoia seems to be cautioning me time and again to try to add a finishing touch to the conundrum.

Jealousy seem to have propelled itself ahead of many positive attributes that I should have possessed. Why am i acting so covetously, trying to yearn and desire for ties which I'm deprived of. Trying to churn out a utopian world with perfect relationships seem largely infantile. A person approaching his twenties will be mocked at if this were to be made public. But that person though bearing the risk of being labelled a social outcast still bears the hope that one day, there will be this someone who will liberate him from all the pains. And that someone will meet all his needs because He is Jehovah Jireh. (My God, the provider)

Although all this hardships seems real and life-threatening, it is not up to me to question why am i being placed in this situation. But rather pose the question of what does God want me to do to make the most out of this situation. Throughout all the storms and valleys of darkness in my 20 year life journey, I can't help but to exclaim that my God is a faithful God. He is good and He definitely has the best plans for me. Though he may appear to have slayed me yet I will still trust in Him.

What was shared in cell group was clearly apt, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge in and He will set your paths right. All these I have recited from the back of my heart because I hold dear to His promise. I know that one day, and according to his timing, all these will come to pass. Heaven and earth may pass away, but God's word is everlasting.

Merci, Mon seigneur.